Wednesday, April 30, 2008

April's HPC Hater of the Month Nominee

You know a dude has gotten way more than his fifteen minutes of fame when the media gets all self-reflexive and starts asking, “Why are we still reporting about this guy?” Such is the case with Rev. Jeremiah Wright. He has traveled the gilded parabola of fame, and is now careening back towards obscurity. Or is he? Many thought his ride ended several weeks ago when Obama gave his seminal race speech (mark where you were when it happened, the grandkids will be asking you all about it) and nailed down the differences between himself and his pastor. Or so we thought.
Just last week, Wright is on Bill Moyers’ program, delivering a fairly balanced assessment of what went down between himself, Barack and the media shit-spitters. I, for one, thought it was good that Wright was getting some sound bites out. According to Wright, he’s a pastor, his responsibility is to his congregation, his message is for his congregation. Why should he have to give up his First Amendment rights for another man’s bid for the presidency? Particularly when it has been made clear that he and Obama have different views on a number of issues. Can people not make the distinction, especially when it’s being spelled out for you, between Wright’s views and Obama’s? It was looking promising.
And then Wright started popping up all over the media like a one-man Whack-a-Mole. Now, what he’s saying is only mildly inflammatory (at best). But let’s look at where he’s giving these speeches: a panel in Dallas, a meeting of the NAACP, a National Press Club dinner. I think we’d all agree that these are not Trinity United Church in Chicago. If Wright’s responsibility is to his congregation, why is he not making these statements from the pulpit? He knows what he’s doing is jeopardizing Obama’s campaign, and yet, he keeps talking.
One of Wright’s colleagues, Rev. Eugene Rivers of Boston (who knows Wright personally) puts it best:

Unfortunately, Rev. Wright was overtaken by his own need for attention. The sad spectacle… was simply an extended ego trip that had no practical, political, policy or programmatic utility. That was pointless rhetoric which was ultimately narcissistic and just based on him trippin’.

It has also been reported recently that Wright was not invited to the rally where Obama announced his bid for the presidency. That’s an interesting twist in the story. Could it be that these are not the actions of a man who felt the need to defend himself against media attacks? Could it be, instead, that the Rev. is simply hating on Obama for a perceived slight? Wright is on an ego-trip (props to Rev. Rivers for using ‘trippin’ on morning network TV—fucking tits!) and apparently, he wants to go down in history as the man who cost the first Black presidential candidate (not including Jesse Jackson) the nomination. That is mad-haterish.


I know that I commented on your previous post, but real talk, after a nuclearly awesome weekend, I haven't had much to hate on. There's something to be said about a real vacation from the news media, and I had that. There's something to be said about a weekend of nothing but homies too, and yes, I had that. And past the weekend days, there's something to be said about good week days, a couple of those in fact, and yes, I've had those too. And that's all Real Talk. Basically, after a Fliff night or two, I'm good. Fake life or real life, it don't matter.

Monday, April 28, 2008


Is it possible that we all had such epic weekends that none of us had time to create a post in five days? I'll hate on us for being lazy, good for nothing, party animals that can't take five minutes out of our lives to hate of some shit. Anyway, I just finished word up. Watch out...lady with a degree coming through.

side note: I always thought that if you graduated from college you would instantaneously rule at Jeopardy and crossword puzzles....not the case. However, I still kill it at "Skate or Die 2" (the mini ramp of course) and "Duck Hunt". Suck on that.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Barack Obama's REAL TALK

By now you've probably heard about Barack Obama's comments regarding working class people in small towns. If not, here's what he said, and since my two minutes of googling isn't yielding anything, I'll just quote directly from the Time article that got me thinking here:

"...'Bitter' small-town voters 'cling' to their faith, along with their guns and their 'antipathy to people who aren't like them.'"

Well fuckin' A, what an elitist, right? A liberal elitist at that. Harvard ass Chicago suburbs ass liberal elitist, right? Oh hell no! The media is over covering this comment. It's been a week or two, and they're still running with it. They're over-analyzing it, talking about the significance of the fact that he said it in San Francisco (liberal headquarterz fool), and just generally not posing all the questions regarding his statement.

Is his statement at least slightly on point? Are these people, non-withstanding the religion and guns and xenophobia bitter? The resounding answer is yes. I need to look no further than that same old Time article for proof, one example, on top of a ton of others that I've heard and read:

"I think them remarks is the absolute truth," said Bill Williams, 60, a bearded disabled veteran from Waynesburg who attended an Obama town-hall meeting near Pittsburgh. "We like our faith and our guns. I went to church when things were bad, and I went out and I hunted for my family food, where I didn't know whether to put the gun in my mouth or to shoot an animal. So, yeah, he was right on the money. And was I bitter, and am I bitter? Hell, yes, I am."

All the coverage of the story seems to contain a similar quote, and all the while, people gloss over the fact that maybe they (my first and not last condescension) really are bitter.

So, point A covered. Moving on, I'll get my own real talk going and just say that I agree with Mr. Obama. I'm sure that the vast majority of the press agrees with him too. I'm sure that the vast majority of the readers of this blog agree with him, and almost everyone in this hater conglomerate agrees with him too. There's massive intellectual dishonesty going on here, and it just dawned on me that this may be a backlash to SNL and there real talk concerning the media and how they took part in Obamamania. That actually happened, I don't disagree.

What I do disagree with is the continuation of this story, and while it may not be an effort to save face on the MSM's part (can it really be the liberal mainstream media in this regard?), it is definitely blown out of proportion, and it has definitely been poorly reported.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Shitheads (not Vol. 8)

I really can't stand teenagers. Especially teenagers in restaurants. They are loud, obnoxious, boisterous and generally repulsive. They tend to believe people care about their opinions, when
in reality - nobody cares what teenagers think. Not even the teenagers that participate in student debate, mock trial, speech...or any activity where students act as though their limited education allows their verbal vomit to possess any more merit than usual. There was a recent debate on our very own HPC about the legitimacy of blogs and new media venues in general. Many people have the opinion that blogs are like teenagers; self-indulgent, narcissistic, snotty shit for brains, and they never shut up. Funny thing is, I like blogs. I read a ton of blogs, about all kinds of things...some completely for the purpose of wasting time and laughing and others because their content is challenging and informative. (and yes...I know slate is a magazine...but their writers blog). Because, while blogs might be a little too cool and full of themselves at times, they can be shut off, navigated away from, or simply never visited again - the teenagers is an entirely different subject. Teenagers will follow you if they know you're uncomfortable in their presence. In fact, teenagers enjoy pissing people off. Look at the jag-off above - this idiot teenager in Australia is a lame-ass racist piece of shit who has been convicted of drunk driving, spitting on an asian kid, and all around douche-baggery. Guess why? He's a teenager. Therefore, impressionable, sure of himself, and stupid. And when he's out of jail or off house arrest he's going to be back in the general public - and that makes me shudder.

Monday, April 21, 2008

I Am Not Sophie...I Will Not Make a Choice

I officially hate the Minneapolis versus Saint Paul feud. Both cities are equally as awesome (in my opinion). I currently live in Saint Paul but grew up in Minneapolis (best of both worlds?). What I love about these "twin cities" is that I keep discovering new neighborhoods. I do a lot of estate sale-ing and garage sale-ing which brings me to new neighborhoods fairly regularly. Just when I think I've go this metropolitan area figured out it surprises me (suburbs included). Yesterday I strolled through a million dollar mansion on lake Minnetonka, a $320,000 shit hole in Linden Hills, the home of two profs. near Snelling and Selby, and an apartment in Richfield. The lives that people live and leave behind in these two cities is amazing. Maybe the peeps are what make this place so special.

Downtown Saint Paul has beautiful bluffs and caves while downtown Minneapolis is bolstering with commerce while both showcase the remnants of a once agriculture based industry. It's beautiful when it snows, it's beautiful when it's sunny, it's especially beautiful when it storms (as it is doing right now). Wherever I go and whatever I do I will take with me the view of downtown Saint Paul from metropolitan state university (near Dayton's Bluff and Swede Hollow-check these areas out!).

The diverse neighborhoods in the twin cities never ceases to amaze me. In every nook and cranny there is something special happening. I can't choose which one I like better. I don't think that you should either. Lets end this rift! I am sick of people treating me like I live in some sort of foreign country...I am no more than 20 minutes away from most things (maybe 25). That's how long it takes to drive from downtown to uptown on Hennepin!

Each city deserves respect. Holler for the united Twin Cities.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Who Invited This Guy, Anyway?

Pope Benedict is visiting the US. I’d like to offer him kudos for jetting all the way over here to apologize for decades of kiddy-diddlin’ by American priests. Sure, it’s six years late, but it’s never too late to say you’re sorry, right? Right. And we can rest assured that he had no ulterior motives. He just wanted to say “Sorry.” It’s merely coincidence that the RCC paid out over 2 billion dollars to thousands of sex abuse victims. And it’s further coincidence that, as a result of the scandals, American donors, both large and small, are no longer dropping coin on the collection plate.
The Pope’s visit is a PR push, plain and simple. He’s trying to drum up a little revenue in a stalled market. If it sounds like a lot of corporate jargon to describe the actions of an organized religion, that is no coincidence. I did a 12 year sentence in the Catholic education system. And while the educators and priests were committed to doing their jobs, there was always another presence. Was it the Holy Spirit? Was it the air of divinity? Nope. It was the Church administrators quietly whispering, “Pay up.” At the end of the day, the RCC is a business. You can’t be one of the richest landholders in the world, with properties on every continent excluding Antarctica, with your corporate headquarters located in its own country, and run it on prayers alone. The RCC has armies of accountants, lawyers, financial planners, and PR men—most of them men of the cloth. To these people, a decline in faith is bad only if it starts to hurt profits.
Another interesting Papal note: the Holy Father has added harming the environment to the list of Deadly Sins. (For those of you fortunate enough not to have been raised with this bullshit dogma, Deadly, or Mortal Sins, once committed, get you a ticket on the express train to Hell. The Church offers a way out, however. Confession and penance can absolve you of your sinful ways. It’s an ancient and sadistic rite that allows priests to hear all our nasty secrets and then mete out punishment accordingly. There’s also an ancient assertion that priests, in all likelihood, get off on hearing Confession.) Back to my point: it’s a sin to harm the environment. So, let’s see if we’ve got this straight: if harming the environment is a sin, and overpopulation (in places like India or China) harms the environment, wouldn’t birth control be a virtuous thing? In order to give this new doctrine the credence it deserves, shouldn’t the Church re-evaluate its position on birth control? Sadly, the Church has a knack for ignoring its inherent hypocrisies, so it’s doubtful they’ll roll over on contraception in order to present a consistent message.
And never one to forget the bitter with the sweet, Benedict has been quoted as saying, regarding Americans, that:

“Faith becomes a passive acceptance that certain things 'out there' are true, but without practical relevance for everyday life. The result is a growing separation of faith from life, living 'as if God did not exist.”

In essence, he’s saying that we are steadily becoming lazy in our commitment to matters of faith. Even though I no longer participate in an organized religion, I found this comment upsetting. I mean, how does the Pope know? How could he know? And even if this is true, then who’s to blame? The media? The educational system? Or perhaps the religious leaders who have undermined their own authority by giving their coffers and libidos greater priority than their congregations? Who’s to say? Certainly not some old German fart that doesn’t live here.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Maybe We Don't Know Shit. So What?

I recently posted about a seemingly local website whose sole purpose is to spread dissent regarding global warming, and climate change, and so on. Even in a hating setting I tried to be, and maybe quoting, fair and balanced, but in this age of Real Talk, one must ask, who actually thinks human induced climate change is fiction? Seriously.

This Slate article highlights the American style of paranoia concerning science. It's a good read, in that, by the second installment, it does reach for an air of fair and balanced by calling, in my words, the good guys, guilty of the same thing that the "bad guys" are attempting and succeeding at.

I've taken to watching C-Span lately, and I watched a program with a speaker who talked about America's general lack of knowledge of how science actually works, and this plays into the idea of "scientific paranoia" quite well, because this lack of know-how just spreads the skepticism that basically flies in the face of what science actually does.

I'm stringing many things together here, and may not know how to untie everything, so I'll just end with a couple of questions that are completely not hypothetical.

-How does God (or god) continue to exist?

-Do people really think, whether they have vested interests or not, that humans are not contributing to climate change?

-Bordering on a rant, how can evolution be held as a theory in the popular concept of the definition of that word, in that, it's a non-conclusive idea? If one were to ask me, which you just did, I would say that the simple fact that life exists without a god is far more astounding than if it does. But that's just me.

-With respect to Bowie, is there life on Mars?

I'm of the opinion that, while not infallible, science should be taken as it is, unless you're a scientist and smart enough to come up with something reasonable that says otherwise. It seems that, as it has been throughout it's history, science will always be under attack by people whose interests lie in science being disproven.

Edit: An aside for creationists with a dogged reasoning.

Another Non-Hate: Corey Brewer

I"m watching the Timberwolves' final game of the season, and our #7 draft pick, Corey Brewer, has had a rough fourth quarter. Shoot, the Wolves had a hell of a tough year, and this final game just encapsulates it. Here's what I'm talking about:

-Brewer grabs a steal, goes on the fast break, goes for a one handed dunk (and he's so skinny and just rad looking that I love it) jumps too early, and basically gets the ball stuck on the front of the rim. He gets his own rebound, only to put it up two more times under the basket, and doesn't convert.

-Minutes later, Brewer flashes up the baseline towards the basket, catches the pass and goes up for another dunk, when his face is just wrapped up. He misses the basket, and then to add insult to injury, he lost his contact during the foul. He struggles on court to get it back in his eye, only to have to finally go to the side to get some solution to put it back in.

Brewer just came up in one of the ways that I love him for; possibly the final possession of the season, Milwaukee has a chance at the final points of the game to go two up on a tie, and Brewer stole the inbound pass. Proper.

Basically, Brew-dawg is my boy. I've told him that I want him to be on a strict diet of protein shakes and burritos over the off-season, and to pump some serious iron. That is that.

Blog Hate: The End of Intelligence?

A friend of mine recently started a blog as a way to organize ideas. In this way all ideas are organized into the blog and at his disposal at any time from any place (pending Internet access). His first blog was about a radical anti-capitalist thinker who was thrown in jail as an act of government repression. What got my attention about this entry was not the content or the writer of the blog, although I feel strongly that one must assess the societal and cultural ramifications of repression by the status quo. What struck my attention about this entry came in the form of a comment. The comment had little to do with the content of the entry, it was more of a general statement about blogging and I think it captures a negative cultural attitude about blogging. I would include the comment in this entry but am afraid to incur any more wrath.

I will however include highlights. The writer accuses blogging as being part of a new trend toward hyper-expressionism. He/she calls it"obsessive self expression and exhibitionism". He/she says, "The current generation of young ones seems utterly convinced that not only do they have something to say, but that everyone wants to hear/see it. You don't have to be a good writer, or particularly unique in your talent or experiences to be a writer anymore." The writer goes on to pose the question, "don't you think it is part of the consumerist/capitalist machine?". He/she goes on to say that, "there is something nauseating to me about all this flashy, pseudo-intellectual babble that I am surrounded by in the world of pop culture these days. I think I can actually feel myself getting dumber."

Now maybe you agree with all of these things. Maybe you think that not everyone should be a writer or that not everyone deserves to have their voice heard. Maybe you think that blogging is self absorbed and shallow. I can't argue that it's not. It is just blogging.

If what this person is accusing blogging of is true than as bloggers we have to raise the bar. Having an opposing viewpoint does not make me a dissenter and it does not make me a "bitch". Having an opposing viewpoint (or any viewpoint at all) makes me not only a participating member in a democracy but it also makes me a human being. Well, I do have things to say and so do many others. Maybe blogging is "obsessive self expression" but many writers are arrogant assholes. Why should anyone be denied the right to have a voice? If blogging is contributing to the consumerist machine than what are op-ed pieces doing? and zines? and symposia(symposiums?)? and college's? I agree, there is a lot of pseudo-intellectual babble happening but that babble isn't confined to the blog-o-sphere. It's everywhere. As for blogs making people dumber, maybe they do, I don't know, I never claimed to be a scientist. As far as I can tell anything, be it a blog or not, that challenges a person to think critically about something can only be doing more good than bad (no matter how excellent or poorly it is written).

For me, I see blogging as an easy way to express ideas. At HPC we've created a forum (and I am sorry If I have compromised that forum...that especially goes out to you everything). We do not need to be "writers" to write just as we don't need to be "photographers" to take photo's. We can take blogging seriously without taking ourselves too seriously. Blogging should serve as a self expressive space where we can go to express our ideas in the company of our peers. Let's face it, many of us don't really have much actual physical personal space. For me blogging has served as an extension of my space. It doesn't matter if people read my shit or not. It is a way for me to express my ideas while reading/participating in the ideas of others.

So maybe you think I take this shit too seriously. Maybe I do. I don't like to create crap. So maybe to you "sharp social commentary" is tongue in cheek but for me it's not (although I do have a sense of humor...I think that all "sharp social commentary" should). I don't want to be pigeon holed into being just another self absorbed narcissistic blogger who I have something to say when really I don't. I also hope that I am not contributing to any consumerist/capitalist machine through fact blogging is the one arena where I feel pretty confident that I am not (however, I do have a fairly gnarly addiction to shopping).

Final thought: Everyone is entitled to their own unique viewpoint. I thank the comment leaver for inspiring me to think about all the many many ways in which I think that they are wrong. I also thank that comment leaver for inspiring me to think about the many many ways in which they are right. It's always good to keep in mind the things that you may or may not be contributing to the world. As for my fellow bloggers on this site: I do not think that any of you are self obsessive narcissistic pseudo intellectual babblers. I think that each and everyone one of you has a unique perspective to share with the world.

p.s. The blog, "stuff white people like", just got like a billion dollar book deal. Something to keep in mind. I wouldn't mind being a bagillionaire.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Watch out Bridezilla

This blog site is the brain child of five people in a S.U.V. hating on a wedding. In light of that I would like to state my disdain for weddings in general. It is not so much the "getting married" part that I hate (usually there is free booze and cheesy music). If peeps wanna wed that's their prerogative. What I hate is a societal culture that uses guilt and manipulation to coerce people into marital unions. If you are in a relationship than you know that the perennial question of "so when are you two going to get married" is a dreaded one if you are not engaged. Although I am often temped to say "never" I don't actually have the balls to say it. So-the-fuck-what...I don't want to get married. Here's why.

I don't need my government condoning my relationship. I don't need society to tell me, "now it's okay that you two are living together and having sex". I can make that decision on my own. My commitment to my boyfriend/partner is all my own. We are faithful. We are respectful. We love each other. No piece of paper needs to tell me that I feel these things. What is the most fucked up about it is that if one of us were severely injured the other wouldn't be able to visit or have any sort of rights. I'd much prefer my boyfriend have to make the DNR decision than my family. He knows me the best but with out that piece of paper he can't.

So am I supposed to feel guilty for living in "sin". Honestly, do we really need an omnipresent all knowing Deity (that may or may not be fictional) to tell us how to be good people? Shouldn't we be able to make moral decisions on our own free will? If there is a god and if that god can't tell that I am a good person living my life in a fruitful way than that god doesn't seem so great to me.

So if I have no god to please and don't want to subject my relationship to imperialist patriarchal societal standards than what is the fucking point of getting married?

Maybe it's to have a day that's completely devoted to me playing pretty pretty princess. A day to showcase how happy I am. A day to rub my relationship in the noses of my family and friends. No thanks. Narcissism turns me off. As far as my relationship is concerned everyday should be an affirmation of my love and commitment. Having one mega day seems to detract from that sentiment.

plus there is the issue of biology. Human beings are animals. I can't guarantee that I won't ever want know....with some one else. No one can. It's biologically impossible. This might seem pessimistic but often pessimism and honesty go hand in hand.

People treat getting married as if it is some kind of accomplishment. They look at the size of the engagement ring as if it directly correlates to how much your spouse loves you. Materialism should not be a factor in marriage at all. The wedding becomes more of a show than an expression of love between two people. Anyone can get married. Not everyone can stay in a sustained long lasting relationship. Not everyone wants to be in a sustained long lasting relationship. Our culture has created a box for us that it wants us to neatly fit into but this box goes against our human biology and doesn't factor in the "different strokes for different folks" idea. It assumes that everyone wants to get married. It assumes that those who aren't in relationships desire to be in relationships. Marriage isn't the be all end all...and it isn't necessary.

Not to mention that weddings seem overly forced, overly rehearsed, and nauseatingly sterile.

Maybe I'll get married some day. Who knows. But if I do it will have more to do with necessity than desire. Plus is will in all probability have pyrotechnics, dirt bikes, truckzilla, and acrobatics.

Friday, April 11, 2008

The HPC Mohawk Guide Book

I saw this guy at a bar once who was rocking a mohawk who also had a tattoo on his head. The deal was, if he didn't have that haircut, you couldn't see his tattoo. And from that day forward, I've hated mohawks.

I've also decided that there are only two groups of people that can wear them:

-Little kids.

-NBA players.

End of discussion. Edit: I picked a really bad photo for the post, but it's so stupid it stays.

Sick and Tired

This is a short one, because I’m tired and mad. Hate on a motherfucker who insists on coming to work sick! I’ve got an illness set on slow-boil because one of my co-workers felt it was wiser to drag his infectious ass into work rather than stay home, where he’d only give his house plants the cold. Three days in a row he does this. I’ve been wondering why I wasn’t getting sick. Now I know, I was getting sick—slowly, but surely. I was up half the night, sweating so hard I thought I had pissed myself. Now I’m here at work, putting up with a long list of bullshit and all I want to do is go to bed. Have you ever seen the pictures from China and Japan of people wearing surgeon’s masks around town? They do that because they are sick and they don’t want to infect their friends, co-workers, strangers, etc. The Communists in China wear masks, but we’re all kinds of Socialist with our germs. They have better health care, too. Anyway, it’s Friday and I can look forward to spending the weekend sick. Thanks, Jeremy. I hate you.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Lazy Line Player Shame

I’ve recently noticed a disturbing trend in our society: the quality of the lies we are told. Maybe it’s just me, but I have noticed a sharp decline in the caliber of bullshit I’m being fed. I won’t hazard a guess as to why this is, although I’m sure it’s a trend at least five years in the making (WMD’s anyone?).
I remember a time, not too long ago, when I would really have to work my noodle to determine whether someone was lying to me. And even when I had my hunches, I was left with little hard evidence to back myself up. Of late, I’ve been lied to in such flagrant ways, I find myself being less upset about the lying itself, and more upset about how obvious the lie was.
I’ll give you an example. I work for a promotions company, and I’ve got several people that work under me. The job requires that my employees work by them selves, at night, unsupervised (for the most part). So my people are given a lot of freedom and trust, and it’s my job to ensure that they aren’t abusing that independence. I’ve got this one guy who was supposed to work last Saturday. He came into the office the following Monday, and all his paperwork was inaccurate. It suggested that something was rotten in Denmark. After doing only a scant bit of investigatory work, I realized that he hadn’t worked at all on Saturday. I was upset that this guy felt he could pull a fast one and get some money for nothing (to quote perennial favorites, Dire Straits). What upset me even more was that he couldn’t be bothered to come up with a really airtight lie. His lie was so flimsy that I saw through it right away. It was insulting.
I’ve had employees lie to me in the past, and at times, it was like putting together a federal court case. I had to get eyewitnesses, build a tower of evidence, and argue a hard case. I had this fool dead to rights after two phone calls. How stupid does this guy think I am? I mean, I’ve fished my way out of Bullshit Lake on more than one occasion, but I always made it a point to fabricate a decent lie. Maybe I didn’t respect the person enough to tell them the truth, but at least I respected them enough to tell them something palatable.
I’ve come to realize, this whole situation has opened a much larger wound for me. We have been lied to time and time again by our current Bastard in Chief. And just like my employee, he can’t even be bothered to come up with a half-way believable lie. The modern world is a trying place. We are constantly bombarded with so much information about people and things that have nothing to do with us. It’s hard to filter all this content; to feel fear or sorrow or sympathy for situations that have no bearing on our personal lives. “My heart goes out to that baby stuck in a well, but what can I do?” “I sure wish they would stop systematically raping women in Darfur.” “Wouldn’t it be nice if we stopped spending more money on “Defense” than on Education, Welfare and Healthcare COMBINED.”
So we are already left feeling helpless, possibly hopeless, and this cocksucker John Wayne’s his way into the White House, only to spit shit in our ears. It’s bad enough that we have to digest all the world’s ills with no recourse, but now we have to swallow our president’s lies. And they’re not even good lies. They’re not even well-substantiated lies. They’re the kind of flimsy, 2-cent lies you tell yourself because you’re scared and desperate. “Sure I’m spending three grand a week on coke, but I can quit anytime I want.” “I know this guy’s dick is in my mouth, but I really love my wife.” “Iraq is in possession of weapons of mass destruction.”
I’m not saying we need to act like adults and be honest with one another. Adults aren’t honest. No, we need to use our adult brains and tell really good lies. It’s just the decent thing to do.

Only if she's 5'3"

I'm short. 5 feet and 2, maybe 3 inches in shoes. In my tallest heels I'm 5'6" - an additional four inches and I'm barely at average height.

I also love live music. See the problem? Or if me, you don't see...because all the the giants in the room decided that they needed to creep two inches closer to the stage (and directly in front of me). Seriously! Seriously?

I had the immense, enormous, mind-blowing pleasure of going to 7th St. last night after work and check out Themes...a local band that was pretty well put together, and Fleet Foxes, a band that was so amazingly good live I'm still thinking about it. They are on tour with the uber hip Blitzen Trapper right now, and though I like BT - I did something I've never done. I left the show before the a band I like came on - simply because I knew it could not possibly be as good as what I had just experienced. We walked out and chatted with a Casey & Christian (of FF) and they were totally enjoyable human beings as well as musicians. Watch this.

But I digress, this is a hater blog...not a "Fleet Foxes are amazing and you're an idiot if you don't think so too" blog.

I love going to shows, it is a simple pleasure in an immensly complicated life. What I do not like are smelly people, pushy people, tall people, people with big boots standing on my feet, or people who sing along really loudly to the music. They can all go to hell. Or to another show. Leave me and my music experience alone - I don't want to share. I also hate the people that are so determined not to let others through the crowd that they actually start to push and fight them. If other people want to get closer to the front and you don't want to be at the front - don't be a dick.

I know that last statement sounds like a contradiction to my previous complaint of tall people going in front of me - but I will argue it is not. People getting to "the front" are not the same as people who literally walk to the x on the floor marked right in front of you. They can see how short I am and they still do it!

Anyway. If you see me at a show come up, say hello, we'll grab a drink. Just don't get in my mutha fuckin way bitch. And please don't sing along. I'm not here for you. I'm here for me.

What's this thing, Hating?

SLP RANDOMS from Don The Jewler on Vimeo.
I think this is the summer of 2005. Damian rips, Quan is there, Vang is there, Vanik Hacobian is there, alternate angles, sun, fun, Nesser filming, pushing, Jr. Mint (Not Jamiel, Bonnie), Sam. I've watched all 18 or whatever minutes twice now. Maybe I'll do it again today. Can't hate.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Names...All over the floor...Everywhere...

Name dropping is the worst shit ever. I really fucking hate it. It takes a certain kind of insecure/secure asshole to really go for it, a type of obliviousness to life and the thoughts of others that I am unable to fathom.

Simply stated, I was subjected to the worst storm of names and bullshit store names and you know him he works for this and does this fucking street wear brand and haven't you seen that shit it's so sick but yeah I'm working for that dude he knows her shes got openings all over town fucking Tokyo!...To all of which I answered "no". Because, not only was I stonewalling out of principle, but because seriously, I'd never heard of any of that shit/people/bullshit/fuckingboring/etc. I can't do it folks! Maybe I'm too lazy to be cool.

And now that I've reached a proper place of loathing and resentment, I'll drop a BONUS HATE. That Scion show last week was the lamest scene ever. I've got a bullet proof alibi of why I was there too, regarding domestic strife and general insanity. So, don't hate the hater. Anyhow, the outfit of the night consisted of, from top to bottom; an extremely cocked new era hat, a blue bandana under the hat, blonde pig-tails, a blue floral print sun dress, blue jeans, and pink and yellow ice cream shoes. Top it off with the requisite flair and standard tattoos, all as visible as possible. I did my best to try and find a photo of her on the interweb, but, alas, no dice.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Welcome, welcome...welcome to haterville

Where all ya'll mother fuckin haters at in the crowd? Huh? WHATTTT? You wanna hate? Let's do this......

First off, I'd like
to say "why the fuck did it take this long to get invited to HaterPartyCrew?" Seriously. On some real shit, true to their nature, these bloggers been sleeping (and hatin') on my skills as a bona fide preacher of the crass, the sass, and straight up negativity that gets people grounded, expelled, sent to prison,etc,etc.

But enough calling out my brethren, let the games begin.

Mother fucking Chevy Suburbans. For real, what kind of asshole drives these? I'll tell you who. To paint this picture as bleak as I can for you, pretend you're christmas shopping at Rosedale Mall for a moment. It's the day before the BIG day, and you've realized you're the asshole who forgot to buy your girl a gift. Well, if misery loves company, than idiots congregate at the mall the night before. Cause now you're surrounded by a veritable who's-who of dim-wits, fuck-tards and those more commonly referred to as "blowin' it". Only difference is, you don't wear filthy ass, nondescript K Swiss sneakers that were white so long ago, it was the Christmas before last that you got them. Someone probably re-gifted them to you too. You got played.

And, (yes I'm starting a sentence with "and") guess what, these same douche bags are probably running some mean-ass headwear too. I'm thinking white "COCKS" hats....maybe with the brim all bent like and upside down double decker taco from
Taco Bell. For bonus points, these shit heads probably paid more for the ones with the pre-worn-out bills. All ragged and string at the ends. Oh yeahhhhhh....the ladies fucking FEEL that shit.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Hating and Speculating; A Humble HPC Obituary for Hillary Clinton's Presidential Bid

Today's episode of my favorite show on NPR, On the Media, opened with a story discussing the fact that Hillary Clinton's campaign to become the Democratic Party's nomination for President is effectively dead in the water, and whether or not the media is responsibly reporting this fact (listen to their lead story on their website for context).

My good man, Bob Garfield, co-host of the show, who I recently listened to for an hour and a half at Macalaser College a week or two ago, seems to feel that the media should tell the public that Mrs. Clinton is indeed, barring miracles, running a campaign of attrition. I don't agree with Garfield. There are at least ten primaries to be had, and while numerically there won't be a decision even after said primaries, I feel like a good old fight to the end is in order. Shit can happen to change everything.

What has bummed me out over the past three or four months of campaigning is the total misogyny that Clinton has faced. Even if I'm not a supporter and I will vote for Obama this November, I have noticed the amount of vitriol that has been sent Clinton's way due to her gender. It's telling about our country, where a male black candidate can get through a debate without a racial epithet thrown his way, while Clinton is told to "iron my shirt", or something to that effect.

It's done for Clinton, I'm dismayed about what ended up being her true undoing; her gender. If you disagree, give one valid reason that isn't just blind distaste. She's polarizing because she made some choices in the 90's that made her distasteful; the reasons that we find her choices distasteful is because she is a strong, ambitious woman. With all that said, Vote Obama.

so effortless...the rise and fall...

I'm so hyped on the fact that I think I've officially converted one of my non-hater friends into something that resembles a hater.

Case in good friend...who will go un-named...mentioned that a few people spent the night at his apartment after a party this weekend. One of those people was a girl he formerly thought was kind of cool. Today he recounted that she kind of sucks. My response was of course, "Duh" - but I'm pretty excited that he thinks so too. Keep in mind, I don't personally know this girl. I see her out occasionally; she hangs with a pretty "hip" crowd and we frequent a few of the same establishments and DP/APs. From what I can tell she thinks she's pretty cool based on the boyfriend she currently has and his street cred *(which is minimal while at the same time blowing up) is somehow affecting her status. Wack.

His commentary led to an entire discussion amongst friends about hip crews. For the most part, all hip crews of any sort (bikers, artists, skaters, musicians, designers, dance party kids, bloggers, djs) are all generally quite lame. While I (actually we all) are somehow tied into at least one *if not all* of those groups, we seem to have a general distaste for the actual status and bogus bullshit associated with actually caring about that. Maybe that makes us a hipster crew? Probably. A crew that hates hipster crews? Fuck! We did some serious shit talking on a lot of people that I don't even know...but I know because of their fucking status. It was so true. I fully take responsibility for perpetuating status...but at least I also do my part to tear it down. We also got to talking about other city's hipster status and we came to some interesting conclusions.
  1. You can't avoid hipster crews...they are everywhere
  2. Minneapolis really isn't that bad in the grand scheme (think NYC, the Chi, the Bay)
  3. NYC hipsters are beyond hip
  4. Chicago hipsters are all rich kids pretending to live on coin
  5. MPLS hipsters think it's really fucking cool to be hipsters
  6. Conclusion I love best. Almost all of these are on wordpress or blogspot sites. Fuck yea!

premiums. pbr. frozen pizza.

"this is why I didn't drink for 27 years."
plums + tie cool

posed out...or are we?


cool kidz

slam it

you don't know me.

Friday, April 4, 2008

A Hater Profile: Global Climate Scam Dotcom

Was driving up 35E after a proper session in Mendota Heights, when I spied the billboard above. All I could do was look and point, my friend didn't even notice what I was doing, because he was looking at the same exact thing. WHOA. It's so ridiculous, in, almost, a rad way. Take some stock photo and just get awesome with it, I suppose. I made a point of peeping out the website once I got home, so, here it is, Global Climate Scam.

I'm not going to pretend that I read and re-read and am really ever going to read the whole site. From what I saw, in a departure from the alarmist billboard, the website is at least intelligently written, and it seems to be sourced. The author seems to be approaching this from the at least slightly more compelling Libertarian standpoint that somehow climate change legislation and whatnot will somehow upend our rights, as opposed to some Dick Cheney-ass evil-ass point of view (I of course am trying to do this all fair and balanced, but Dick Cheney is an evil-ass-motherfucker).

Anyways, I'm not one to take Al Gore's documentary hook line and sinker, just like I'm not going to assume that Michael Moore isn't coming from somewhere with an agenda. And the same thing holds true here. Somewhere, once the professional veneer of the blog is peeled away, there's an agenda, and even if this dude is mostly correct, which he, in my opinion, is not, it doesn't matter. The fact that the dude has billboards in the Twincities (it seems to be a local site) and the fact that he does get into a little bit of condesention (take the quiz and see what I mean) makes him another voice in this non-debate that is of no use to me.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Flushed with Frustration

I work in a small office. There’re about twelve full-time staff members. In addition, we have about 60 part-time employees who are in and out of our office throughout the day. We have two bathrooms for the whole floor, one for men, one for women. You’d think, with a staff that size, and limited bathroom facilities, people would be a bit courteous and use some basic lavatory etiquette. You’d think. But no, that’s not the case at all. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked into the can and felt I had mysteriously been teleported to a bus-station bathroom.
This isn’t a French Quarter bordello, this isn’t the head on a Russian sub, and it sure as hell ain’t you’re momma’s house. It’s a place of fucking business. What makes people think that leaving liquor shits and a few wads of TP unflushed is acceptable? And, to be honest, it never even occurred to me that leaving piss in a urinal overnight could get rank. Oh, baby, does it ever! It’s like walking into the big cat house at the zoo when all the females are in heat. In a word: tart.
Maybe it’s me. Maybe there’s been a huge revolution in bathroom etiquette and I missed it. Maybe it’s some weird reverse-“Pay It Forward” mentality where now we’re expected to flush for the person who used the can before us. And then the person who uses it after you flushes your waste. And so on and so on, in some anonymous and intensely foul circle of life. Perhaps people are so used to automatic toilets that they have forgotten how to use a “manual” shitter. Those handles aren’t just for decoration, friends.
And it strikes me as intensely rude, not only the immediate instance of having to handle someone else’s shit and piss, but in a more historical context. Indoor plumbing has been created and lost to history several times over. The Romans had it, and the barbarians lost it, as an example. The Victorians spent many kings’ ransoms to develop the infrastructure necessary to elevate major cities out of the old cobbled streets (which were essentially open sewers), build drainage systems and plumbing networks, and provide indoor plumbing for most (and eventually all). It took, from the fall of the Roman Empire, nearly 1500 years to recover the technology. In that time, our ancestors lived no better than barnyard animals. So really, we had not devolved below the Romans, we had devolved below our ape ancestors, who at least, had enough sense to live in the trees above their piles of shit. Where am I going with the history lesson? The development of the toilet is such an epic accomplishment that anyone who deigns themselves above the act of flushing away their shit and piss is a cocksucking troglodyte, unfit for living in even a third-world society.
What motivates these slovenly bastards? Laziness? Apathy? Ignorance? You know what? I don’t care anymore. Just flush the damn toilet!

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

A simple hate...

The world has played some dirty rotten tricks on me in the past view days, and now, this April Fools day snow is the dirtiest, and the rottenest. Almost.