Monday, March 31, 2008

The Aquarium of our lives

I made a new friends this weekend. His name is Bobby "Fish" Kennedy. I named him this in honor of the late great president that never was. Is this really the America that you want to live in? The one where Robert F. Kennedy exists in memorium only? Every time I look at my fish I am reminded of all the great civil rights leaders and pacifists that have been lost on this long winding road of repression and bloodshed that we know as American history. The death of RFK singnaled the end of an era of hope and the real kind of liberalism. Bobby kennedy, Dr. King, Malcom x and many others are all examples of the power the one person can have to fight for change. They are also, sadly, examples of the outcome one faces when they have a dissenting voice and a following of people listening to that voice. Now the decisive leaders calling the shots are doing so in the name of capitalist greed, corporate wellfare, and materialsim. Do we really want to sell these western ideals to the world? It's certainly not the world I want to live in. But I am lucky, I have Bobby Kennedy living in my house and in my heart. The only Ideology I subscribe to is peace.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Trying to Control Me

I am pretty depressed by what I found on the inter-web today. Seriously. These people are out there - and we need to know about them. I know this is a bit heavy for a Saturday morning - but I'm pretty convinced that these kooks never quit their attacks - so I guess I shouldn't either.

And the one that made me more afraid than any...these two adorable girls and their hate-message-brain-washing attire. I am so sad of who they will become - they don't have a chance in hell.

Again - a little heavy...I know. But as a Hater I'm pretty sure I need to hate on all this bullshit. Otherwise I'm not really doing my job.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Hold Please...

And now...a special guest blog from an honorary member of the Chicago chapter of HPC...this hasn't been cleared by other HPC members...but I guess I'm just a hater for not checking first.

Harumph, Muthafucka!! Vol. 1
As I write this, I am on hold with RCN, my internet provider. This is the second call I’ve had to make to them today. I’ve been on hold for a combined total of 20 minutes, which, in the grand scheme of things, is a short time to be on hold. But here’s the thing about it that chaps my ass: when I called initially, I was told, “Due to high call volume, your wait time will be (long pause) three…(even longer pause, it’s like waiting for your lottery numbers)…minutes.” I had feared, momentarily, that the machine would say hours, instead of minutes. So, I waited, and around the five minute mark, I’m still holding. No surprise there. But then, I realize something. Although I had been listening to a pre-recorded message about other wonderful services to be had with RCN (Which in itself is a tacky thing to do. What schmuck is on hold for half an hour, wanting to know why there’s an extra $40 in charges on his bill, and gets sold on one of these canned ads?), now I’m listening to nothing. The phone call had been disconnected. If they can’t take you’re call in the time they said they can do it, they just hang up on you. Could you imagine if that were the operating principle in fast food? “Well, I know I took your money and told you your double-bubble chubby burger meal would be ready in 2 minutes, but I was wrong. It’s looking like it’ll be another five minutes or so…so, I’m not gonna do it. Fuck you, ma’ man.” Ok, bad example. That happens pretty often. Do you know who’s the worst about saying “fuck it” to the job they’re paid to do? You guessed it, the airline industry. I totally understand inclement weather. I don’t want to fly through a blizzard, or a hurricane, or tsunami, etc. But I don’t like dropping all this money on a flight to find out they cancelled it because they failed to sell enough seats. Or better yet, when they oversell a flight and are willing to give you a free flight as compensation for the inconvenience. How is that cost effective? But the scary truth about the bullshit that corporations pull which is worse than how they gouge consumers, and force them to stay on hold for weeks on end, and insist on providing substandard service (not to mention things like sweat shop labor) is that we let them. We let corporations get away with this shit every day, which only encourages them to do it more. Maybe I should…oh wait, they’re taking my call. Later.

[Ed Note: Maybe this would have been better if you were talking on a hamburger phone?]

Friday, March 21, 2008

Passwords...and other pointless measures of security

Why do we utilize passwords?  One might say to make us feel safe, secure, or protected.  All I know is that this week passwords, codes, combinations and all other alph-numeric mindfucks have been the bane of my existence.  

Bike lock?  No clue.
New cell phone voicemail?  No clue.  I swear this is the same as my personal phone - but no.
EMD? (crucial website for new job) I had a password.  It worked.  Ten minutes later it didn't.  According to the Help Desk this was my fault.  
Extranet?  (also job related).  Again - I was actually logged into this all day yesterday.  Today?  Password & email address do not match our records.
MSN?  I was able to download it.  It installed.  I uploaded a user ID and password and it won't open.

For just a moment can we drop all this hyper-sensitive fear mongering bullshit and just give access to everything to me?  That's not a problem...right?  I mean, seriously - there are no security risks associated with all access.  I'm totally trustworthy.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

The Cheyenne...and more from Hoarlando

I've said it a few times in the past couple of weeks...there's Miami, and then there's Florida. If you don't understand the inference you might be from the rest of Florida (I'm sorry Jeff).

Case in Point> The Cheyenne.

This glorious establishment is located in downtown Orlando, and quite honestly it might be the largest country-western bar in the world. At least it seemed like it. Walking into this abyss was like walking into a bedazzler convention for old people.

I also have absolutely no desire to return to Makos...thank god I don't have any pictures from that hell hole. But apparently everyone on that Makos link thinks that place is amazing. Have I said before that I really don't relate to 95% of the human population. At least.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Fuck a Racist

I know, I know...tone the language down a notch. But seriously - there is no other way to put it. Maybe it's because I'm from a super liberal state, or maybe it's because I'm awesome...but I seriously have no tolerance for racists. Know how I know that? Because I met some last week and I wanted to punch them in the face.

I'm not trying to claim I'm "color-blind" because that's the most preposterous statement on the planet. I'm also not trying to claim I don't personally have some prejudicial tendencies...because as much as I try not to...well...I'm not perfect.

What I do know is I would never walk out of a perfectly good bar which was playing great music, and then turn to someone and say "That place was too dark" - and believe me - the lights weren't too low.

I will hate all day everyday on some wack-ass flared out white denim; Makos bar in Hoarlando, and racists (not all in the same level of hatred mind you) - so if you fall into any of those three out.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Rub and Tug

We were talking about how lame hand jobs are the other day. It was me and three other chicks. No matter what, it's always a super good topic. For an explanation of the photo, and more coverage on hand jobs peep Wiskate here. Good Hand Job.

I Want My Package

I hate U.P.S. How is it that one second they are banging on your door until the hinges are nearly falling off and then the next minute they are half way across the street. Today the U.P.S. guy managed to come to my apartment during the 20 minute widow while I was showering. I hopped out of the shower sopping wet, grabbed a towel and ran to the front door only to find that he was almost to his stupid brown truck. I thought about yelling after him but didn't want to cause a neighborhood scene. The annoying thing is that this is not the first time a situation like this has happened. It seems as though every time I expect a package they knock, I go to answer the door, and they are gone. Way to take all of the fun out of recieving a package. Why can't they just leave it? My four-plex has a secure front entry way. Why do they need a person to sign? Who are all these package recievers who are at home in the middle of the to recieve their packages?

U.P.S you are officially hated on!

Monday, March 3, 2008

Gimmicks Gimmicks Everywhere

Has the World gone gimmick crazy? Why is that I can't go anywhere with out hearing that Diablo Cody was a stripper. There is just so much wrong here. First of all she made money and gained notoriety for documenting her stripping adventures. Let us remember that many journalists also go under conver to do things and write about them. In fact, having experiences is what gives writers things to write about. Everyone keeps talking about how unbelievable her story is. What is unbelievable about it? That a woman from outside the "Hollywood" community can win an Academy Award? Cody (whose real name is Brook Busey) grew up in Illinois, she attended a Catholic school, and then went on to the University of Iowa where she earned a degree in media studies. Is this the unbelievable part? She began writing. It turned out she was good at it. Then she went on to win an Academy Award. Is it unbelievable that she can be such a good writer? because libraries and bookstores are all filled with things written by "good" writers. There are people out there who have a natural aptitude for is that unbelievable? It is Amazing that Juno was her first screenplay. It is amazing that her first screen play was so successful. But her success has to do with her talent not her back story. To say that her story is unbelievable is to disregaurd her talent and treat her as a anomaly. Anyone who has ever taken an interest in reading, especially memoir, can see that the writers they are reading make up a strange cast of characters with all sorts of interesting back stories. Even "common" people with "everday" jobs have interesting back stories. Show me a person who doesn't have an interesting back story and all bet that there is a writer out there who can make it appear interesting.

Anyway, Congrates to Brook/Diablo for all her success and for making Minneapolis look like it breeds so many awesome people. Everyone loves a good rags to riches/ cinderalla story but I think that it's important to remember that in most situations success comes with a grip of talent and a shit load of hard work. I wish that the media would stop emphasising that she is a takes away from how truly amazing her success is.