Oh Meth Neighbor!

I've come to semi-irrationally hate the dude that lives above me. He is up pacing his house at all hours of the night, day, whenever, dude paces so hard be it four AM or eight AM, usually within the same day. He must be on meth, that's all I can think of. People I've had slumber parties with have noticed the same damn thing. Dude's nuts, and has a fine way of coming home and beginning pacing his ass off just whenever I go to bed, be it ten PM or three AM. I'm over it and for a time I wanted to, by suggestion of someone who has actually done this, let the air out of his tires and then super glue the thingies back on so he's FUCKED, or like, throw a brick through his window or something. But I don't know what car he drives and I don't really give a shit anymore and this post isn't about him.

Blame it on the morbidly spoiled milk in my refrigerator. It expired April 29th. It's expanding and I really hope the top doesn't come off and release noxious gas that just ruins my day, but I'm afraid to touch it. I didn't touch it checking the date for this post, boy oh boy was I lucky that it was facing the right direction. Whew! Anywho, the milk helped me come up with an awesome prank, that I would pull on the guy upstairs if I could gain access to his house without breaking and entering.

Step One: Figure out the size of his toilet tank, and then buy gallons of milk accordingly.

Step Two: Take bought milk and age it accordingly, perhaps Homer Simpson style behind the radiator and shit.

Step Three: Gain access to the guys house without breaking in; this would be the hardest part. Don't forget the milk.

Step Four: Turn the water off on his toilet and then flush it.

Step Five: Take the top off the toilet tank and fill it with the putrid milk. Put the top back on and leave the water turned off.

Step Six: Dipset.

And that's that! It's an incredibly harmless prank but it would stink up the crib for hours and the simple sight of seeing a toilet flushing with milk would freak anyone out, or at least confuse the shit out of them. And then they might not be able to figure out how to turn the water on if they're really stupid (or high on fuckin' meth). And then, dude, the best part. They'll know that you can hit them, any time, any fucking place. That's terrorism boi (milky terrorism? ewww); not even feeling safe in your own damn crib.

So like, I"m totally going to do that.