Hater Party Crew

What A Tool.

2010-06-17T13:04:00.004-05:00

He's from Texas, what a surprise.

Rep. Joe Barton had the nerve, the audacity, the misdirected cajones to apologize to BP about the $20B agreement that was reached yesterday. This tool, who has taken about $100,000 in the past YEAR from oil and gas companies for political contributions has clearly been drinking the kool aid. It's just embarrassing.

These are the elected officials who are running our country. Let's do something about this. I know who I won't be casting my vote for now that I live in the state of Tejas.

The World Is Mad

2010-04-27T09:36:00.002-05:00

I work in radio. It happened accidentally, and I like it a lot. There are really great perks (Alpha Rev is playing in-studio today, so there will be catered lunch and a band here playing for a room of like 30 people).

I didn't pick my stations, but for the most part they're cool. There's a station that plays local texas alt country/rock with hipster jams, a rock station, an adult contemporary, a classic rock, a spanish station, and then an AM talk station. Is it a cool talk station you ask, like maybe MPR???

NO. It's AM590 and it features quite a bit of Rush Limbaugh and like-minded cronies. I've dealt with some crazy people calling and somehow getting me on the phone, looking to talk to conspiracy theorists from the station - telling me that Nazi's are currently running the White House. These people are serious too. When the plane crashed into the IRS building when I first moved here there were people calling up (though not many) saying, "that while his actions are wrong, I agree with his principle..." WTF?

So today, I see this on the website:

The KLBJ Poll
"Arizona is cracking down on illegal immigration, should Texas do the same?"
If the question were simply "Should Texas crack down on illegal immigration?"

I don't think I would be too offended, to me that is a pretty fair question. When you add the word "Arizona" to the sentence this week - well you're really asking should Texas pass a law similar to Arizona's which would make it legal (mandatory) for police to question anyone on their legal status.

How people support something like this, I don't understand. I took the poll, and discovered I'm in the 10% minority who thinks that, NO, Texas shouldn't do that. (I should re-iterate that the 10% minorty is on a far-right slanting website). Ugh.

People I Have Nothing In Common With...

2010-03-08T13:34:00.002-06:00

I am (of course) a huge proponent for freedom of speech. It is a great right afforded to those of us who are lucky enough to live in the united states (and I do believe we are lucky). I will not posture that I have enough education (specifically legal education pertaining to the Bill of Rights) to make an argument about where the thin line between free speech and hate speech exists...but I would like to share a link and a few images that come across as hate speech to me.

This one makes me laugh, for a few reasons:
1) The answer is NO.
2) It's on a billboard on 35W in Minnesota
3) That picture is ridic
4) A private group of business owners collectively purchased the billboard. They don't have to disclose who they are.
5) The answer is STILL NO.

I don't consider this hateful. I just am scared that people who think that exist, own businesses, have money to spread their objectives/agendas, etc. What really scares me is that I don't think I have the time/patience/money/will power to change their opinions. They are out there trying to get people on their side, should I be doing the same?

This on the other hand. This doesn't make me laugh. This outrages me. No explanation needed.

For more "HateBoards" click the link (source).

Point is...just trying to remind you guys what we're up against.

It seems now is the time to get your hate on. Political Agenda Style.

2010-01-28T11:25:00.002-06:00

Anyone else watch the State of the Union address last night? I know Roomie & I did.

It's time to start calling these ass-clowns in Washington out. I don't care if you're a Republican or a Democrat. Shut the fuck up, sit down, and do something. Why are you in Washington if your only goal is to advance your personal agendas? The fact that Republicans are smug right now makes me sick. What do you have to be smug about? You're attempting to successfully railroad important agendas; like health care reform and the forming of a fiscal task force, and then lead your constituencies (through misinformation) to support your railroading. Good job.

Open letter to Congress:

Dear Senators of the United States of America,

Please, for one moment, be embarrassed. All of you. Be embarrassed for sitting on your hands, for disrespecting this country through your lack of action, and for being power-mongering, self-promoting, pompous individuals. Please, for one moment try to act in a cohesive nature. While Senators need to remain loyal to their constituents, they need to remember that they are not STATE officials. They are NATIONAL officials representing the people. Please work on bringing us together and not dividing us. Please do not be afraid of change. While change for the sake of change is not good; neither is lack of change due to fearing the unknown.

Hopefully, you took a moment to feel embarrassment or some sense of remorse.
Now sit down and get to work please.

Sincerely,
Ashley Ryan

Side Note. This HPC post was sparked due to a political text message battle between my father and I. Excerpt:

Dad: Must have been pretty embarrassing watching the collapse of your leftist liberal progressive party the last few weeks huh... [Let's see. He got Leftist, Liberal, Progressive. He forgot socialist & communist]
Me: Uh, I don't think we watch the same news. That's an interesting spin Fox gave you though.
Dad: Sorry honey. That's from your side. You guys are done. I'm serious. The great scam is over. [I'm really not sure what "your side" means. I'm assuming some "lefty news station"]
Dad: It's ok honey. We're more than happy to welcome you back to reality.
Me: Hahaha. Thanks for the offer, but I'll stay where I am. Believing that changing a dysfunctional system is neither scary nor apocalyptic.
Dad: I agree with you completely honey. Every single thing he (Obama) stands for and is trying to do to this country is totally dysfunctional and dangerous to our long term success. I think the country waking up to this and taking back control is great! It's a center right wing country honey. It will never be socialist. [See what he did there. Said we agreed, to trick me! I'm smart though...he was using word play. Also. He managed to fit the word "socialist" in.]

It goes on and on and on and on...I won't bore you with the rest...just to say we finally agreed to agree on the fact that the fiscal irresponsibility of the 4 years prior to Obama taking office was a travesty that neither of us can stomach. Then we said love you. awwww.

No one has to vent anymore?

2010-01-27T12:04:00.000-06:00

I'm gonna be real. Can I? Oh wait, I'm posting and you can't so I'm gonna whether you are feeling it or not.

Ok...first off. What? No one has anything they need to get off their chest anymore? Did everyone get all happy-go-lucky as last year wound down to a close? I'm here with some serious positivity and shit, but for real, something's urking me and I'm 'bouts to unload a full clip of hate on you fuckers.

1. I don't ever, EVER, EVER want to hear the phrase "social media" ever again. NOT ever. Not if it was the key to the holy grail. FUCK "SOCIAL MEDIA". Just call it facebook for fuck's sake. Ok, call it facebook AND twitter. What else is there? No one is on myspace anymore, and if you are, i'm sorry for you. (bands are ok still). Then what else we got? They're not counting texting, or emailing (the experts that is). So...you've got facebook and twitter. 2 things....not 1. Fuck Social Media. Fuck it to death.

2.) Since I'm ranting about a phrase...let's break it down to 2 of my other least favorite words of the last year. The "r" word and the "e" word. Yep...you know the ones. YES YOU DO!. "Recession" and "Economy" can go ahead and fuck themselves too. Seriously. Dear aforementioned words, please suck a dick and fuck yourselves. Maybe the collective fucktards that make up the mass consuming public would feel a little bit better about buying that 3rd big screen TV for the kitchen breakfast nook if the media wasn't face fucking them with how shitty things are and how it's never gonna end and and and and and and....

maybe. just maybe.

3.) Also, I hate dropping my keys. A LOT.
4.) Taking more than 1 trip. I.E. carrying groceries from the car to the house...or something like that. I'd rather struggle, loose my breath carrying 60 lbs up 19 stairs than go down them once more to get that last bag I decided to wait for. Fuck that. I hate 2 trips.
5.) Doors slamming. MY DOOR slamming. Everyone knows it slams who's ever been over there. I've even probably mentioned to everyone 3 or more times as they walked into or out of "don't let the door slam". Still, it slams. I'm gonna start going to everyone's house just pop on over unexpected. Come to the door. Invite myself in. Slam the door, then proceed to walk out, slam it again...and go home. Maybe i'll make it a double header and go to another friend's house.

who's first?

I FUCKING HATE.

2009-10-14T22:22:00.002-05:00

and that's about as real as it gets. Thought I was having a fucking heart attack tonight. Really.

you, you, you, you, you, you, you....fuck off. I almost stabbed about 6 of you today. For real, I carry a knife.

Someone Please Explain This To Me

2009-08-27T13:03:00.003-05:00

Ralph Mirabal is fucked. He is a 19 year old kid from South Texas and he has been sentenced to 3 terms of 8 years in prison, to be served consecutively. Thank god they didn't give him the death penalty.

His crime against society?
Dudes a fucking graff head.
Yep.
24 years in prison for graffiti.

I couldn't find any of his "vandalism" on the great interweb, but Jenn sent me a link to the story. Don't worry - the courtroom was packed with his victims when the prosecutor asked the judge to sentence him to prison time.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that graffiti is fucking awesome, for the most part I really could care less about it. I hate bad graffiti. If you don't know what the fuck you're doing please don't leave your shitty ass tag around town - I'm just going to laugh at you. It really is art, please attempt to be good at it.

Those who exist and execute their chosen "lifestyles" in the periphery are often persecuted for their actions until the mainstream can figure out a way to profit off of them. Even after the mainstream has figured out how to stack those bills, the bullshit continues (as evidenced by Ralph Mirabel). This kid has been sentenced to more years in prison than he's currently been alive. Please find the logic, because I am failing to.

Crackdown on a skateboarder:

Source^

Making some money on a skateboarder:

Beautiful street art (that'll get you fined and arrested):

Source^

Make sure you're hip and you Do the Dew...cause they're cool and they get it.

Source^

Another interesting story I found when digging around about this. Read all about graffiti in the Iraq war.

Thanks Jenn.

Overdraft.

2009-08-24T11:38:00.004-05:00

FUCK THIS^ and >

Negative amounts of money.

Overdraft fees.

Being irresponsible.

Spending too much.

Not making enough.

NOT HAVING DIRECT DEPOSIT.

AWESOME>

ummmmmmm....monetarily speaking....nothing right now.

I'M CONSIDERING LEARNING>

This.

Or doing any of these out of boredom...except I need some scrills for this. # 7 might be useful.

THIS SHIT

2009-08-20T17:26:00.000-05:00

ANSWERS

2009-07-22T22:27:00.003-05:00

And a collective sigh of relief. What this says for the state of the Republican party...

As Poached...

2009-07-13T11:33:00.004-05:00

From my favorite visual stimulant on the web:

Ok. So not ALLLLL brides to be are shallow whores (everywhere).
Let's just be real for one fucking second and break this shit down though.

"A brilliant reminder" - like chicks need to be reminded that they're supposed to want to get engaged, have the biggest rock their dude can get his credit-maxed fingers on, and be brides? We haven't been conditioned since birth by our families, advertisers, and mass marketing for this shit, please give me one more BRILLIANT reminder.

"Of what forever looks like" - uhhhhhhhh? 49.95% of custodial mothers/fathers are considered seperated or divorced in the United States. (Want to know something scarier? I got that fact from divorcemag.com - second source through google search was biblenews1.com - WTF)

Originally this post was going on my other blog, but then I found biblenews1.com and got so sparked by their interpretation of facts I had to move the whole damn thing over to HPC. Here's how their brand of crazy breaks down:

"Ratio of Marriages to Divorces 2:1" - ok, duh.

"Population of unmarried women will soon surpass the population of married" - ok, maybe there are more younger women being born, and that women are getting married at older ages, or choosing (gasp) not to get married.

-OR-

"This indicates a rejection of the Divine Institution of Marriage by the population."

[Ed. Note: Italics are all mine]

"Children living with only one parent has increased from 9% in 1960 to 30% (29.52%) in 2005. Of those 83% of the children live with the mother."

-The results you ask?-

"This is creating a society of bastards."

Ummmmmm?

I'm not sure that they know the meaning of bastard, I'm just going to let that one slide.

Anyway - sort of a rambling post. I just saw that photo this morning, enjoyed it immensly, and thought I'd share (force) my beliefs on all of you. Moral of my story: do whatever you want. Get a huge fucking ring and rock it around town and show everyone how much you love each other. (Or) Don't do that.

Either way - I hope you're the other 50% and you live happily ever after!!!

This broad is still around

2009-06-30T12:52:00.003-05:00

I've said it before...we're at war with these people. If you don't think they're still around and trying to gain power think again. Stay educated on the wackos or they might win next time around.

It's long - over 10k words - but Vanity Fair has an interesting article about the Anti-Christ herself - Mrs. Sarah Palin.

One reason she scares me (from the article):
Andrew Halcro later remembered that he and Palin once compared notes about their many encounters, and she said, “Andrew, I watch you at these debates with no notes, no papers, and yet when asked questions, you spout off facts, figures, and policies, and I’m amazed. But then I look out into the audience and I ask myself, Does any of this really matter?”

To some people facts don't matter. I was at dinner last night, 33 miles from Minneapolis, and was told that "Democrats are still perpetuating the myth of global warming."

WTF. Yes! Facts matter. Yes! Global warming exists.

These people are out there...fully hating.

Holy Shit

2009-06-23T16:42:00.002-05:00

1 part no-talent whores + 1 part genius =

Millionaires - Just Got Paid - Director's Cut

I don't even know what to think. Fuck yes? Fuck no? Oh God.

Beached Wale

2009-06-23T15:23:00.002-05:00

Rude? yes.

Insensitive? yes.

Real Talk? yes.

I think it's the fact that this woman was roasting herself in the sun for hours that made me a little upset. Gross.

WTF. Really.

2009-06-19T14:36:00.006-05:00

I'm trying to embed this video from the New Yorker, but it's not working. You can see the "At The Fire David Letterman Rally" vid here. Take two minutes of your life and watch that craziness. (Scroll all the way to the bottom to check the vid).

I know the Letterman/Palin joke is old news, and I saw some clip of his apology and then Palin saying it wasn't a real apology (or some shit) and I didn't really care about it (so why should you).

Then I saw that video.
I'm not joking when I say my jaw dropped and my hand was covering my mouth in shock at the end. There are no words to describe how deeply I am upset by this, I just can't get over the fact that those people are real (with the exception of the dude with the red beard). I do not understand them, and frankly, I think I'm at war with them.

Full hate.

It's No Longer News If You're Gay

2009-06-09T13:25:00.002-05:00

I have no idea who this kid is, but seriously, we should have better things to do. Thanks Yahoo! news feed.

PREACH

2009-06-03T17:21:00.001-05:00

Police Slog Through 40,000 Insipid Party Pics To Find Cause Of Dorm Fire

Dear Antiquated Version of Everything...I hate you.

2009-05-25T14:35:00.002-05:00

I just bought a computer from Jenn (for which I am hyped). Except for the fact that I've been doing nothing but updating the god damn programs all day and I still can't get the proper update for Safari. Basically this means I can't even look at the internet properly (and that is bogus). Every page looks like it was formatted in 1999, because that's what my current Version of Safari understands.

I just tried to upload an image of the download progress to this post (and surprise) it didn't work.

Hope to see you players on the internet in the future...I gotta take a break now because it's driving me nuts.

Oh Meth Neighbor!

2009-05-16T00:16:00.002-05:00

I've come to semi-irrationally hate the dude that lives above me. He is up pacing his house at all hours of the night, day, whenever, dude paces so hard be it four AM or eight AM, usually within the same day. He must be on meth, that's all I can think of. People I've had slumber parties with have noticed the same damn thing. Dude's nuts, and has a fine way of coming home and beginning pacing his ass off just whenever I go to bed, be it ten PM or three AM. I'm over it and for a time I wanted to, by suggestion of someone who has actually done this, let the air out of his tires and then super glue the thingies back on so he's FUCKED, or like, throw a brick through his window or something. But I don't know what car he drives and I don't really give a shit anymore and this post isn't about him.

Blame it on the morbidly spoiled milk in my refrigerator. It expired April 29th. It's expanding and I really hope the top doesn't come off and release noxious gas that just ruins my day, but I'm afraid to touch it. I didn't touch it checking the date for this post, boy oh boy was I lucky that it was facing the right direction. Whew! Anywho, the milk helped me come up with an awesome prank, that I would pull on the guy upstairs if I could gain access to his house without breaking and entering.

Step One: Figure out the size of his toilet tank, and then buy gallons of milk accordingly.

Step Two: Take bought milk and age it accordingly, perhaps Homer Simpson style behind the radiator and shit.

Step Three: Gain access to the guys house without breaking in; this would be the hardest part. Don't forget the milk.

Step Four: Turn the water off on his toilet and then flush it.

Step Five: Take the top off the toilet tank and fill it with the putrid milk. Put the top back on and leave the water turned off.

Step Six: Dipset.

And that's that! It's an incredibly harmless prank but it would stink up the crib for hours and the simple sight of seeing a toilet flushing with milk would freak anyone out, or at least confuse the shit out of them. And then they might not be able to figure out how to turn the water on if they're really stupid (or high on fuckin' meth). And then, dude, the best part. They'll know that you can hit them, any time, any fucking place. That's terrorism boi (milky terrorism? ewww); not even feeling safe in your own damn crib.

So like, I"m totally going to do that.

Slumdog Depression

2009-05-15T02:51:00.004-05:00

I loved the movie Slumdog Millionaire. It was a lovely film; the story was sweet, the shots were beautiful, and the music was moving...two thumbs up for Danny Boyle. As a matter of fact, I bought it the other day and was planning on watching it tonight after work.

Unfortunately there have been a number of stories circulating about the film's two youngest actors, and the mistreatment they've been receiving. I remember hearing something in the press right after the film won 8 Oscars, about how the children were given bonuses for their work. I don't remember (and I haven't looked) to see what they were fully compensated, but I do know that the producers set up trust funds for the children as well (hoping the money wouldn't be abused or extorted).

Here are a couple links about some of their most recent hardships:

Azharuddin Ismail's shanty home was destroyed today

Azharuddin Ismail's fathers physical abuse

Rubina Ali's father accussed of trying to sell his daughter for $400,000

Post-script

Pics (which lead to more stories)

You might be wondering why I'm posting about this, why should you care, why should you read these stories...is this just a part of my hollywood gossip obsession?

You should read about this because as human beings on this planet it is our obligation to look at the things that are wrong out there and do something about them. I don't know what the exchange rate of the dollar to rupee is - but I bet you that I could personally make a difference in the lives of these children (if I knew how to get in touch with them). I know that I won't do anything - and that actually makes me feel terrible...but I feel a little bit better; and I don't know why, for sharing this. Like - if people turn a blind eye and only look at the pretty outcome then none of these things are happening. I just feel like people should know they're happening.

Maybe someone else knows how to actually do something about it that's meaningful.

Missing Friends.

2009-05-13T17:16:00.000-05:00

What is going on with me? Working for Camel again, and working for Vision Management (booking child models). So weird.

Working my life away. Trying to play my life away. Semi-successful.

Living with roomie. Trying to figure out what to do in December when our lease is up. Missing friends. Feeling broke, but making money again. Not biking enough (getting fat) and trying to bike and go to the gym to avoid that. Feeling less than creative...started writing again...feeling good about that.

Not getting enough sleep...laying in bed all day saturdays. eating brunch (some things never change). crushing on boys and not doing anything about it (see - lots of things don't change). work. work. work. repeat.

miss you terribly. cannot wait for the 4th of july.
xoxoash

FUCK the mother fuckin' internet, real life, jobs, relationships, lack of relationships,

2009-05-08T20:20:00.002-05:00

no time to get shit done, missing friends, missing out, out to lunch, no lunch , late lunch, chicks that just lay there during sex, hating that sex, wishing you could just have sex, hating the other sex, thinking your time is wasted, wasting your time, being wasted all the time, timing, bad timing, being bad at being good, hardly getting over it, making mistakes, passing opportunities, passing out, passing the butter, crunchy legs, leggy brunettes, wishing, wanting, not receiving, lack of justification, lack of clarity, stolen cd's, rain, rain right now, empty stomachs, pathetic thoughts, egotastical adventures, wanting to slow it all down and take it in and not having the slightest clue at how to do

just

that.

FUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKK! fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

2009-05-08T15:23:00.002-05:00

I'm sorry, I know that is really vulgar, uneducated, and completely un-lady-like...but it has been building all week.

My job is officially driving me crazy. In particular, people that I work with. I know most of you don't "really" know what I do all day, or why I work such crazy hours, and I don't really have time to spell it out right now; but I can explain that I work with like 8 people total.

After a while they can start to wear on you. For the most part I love them, but this week they are driving me fucking mad. I can't even talk about it for fear that someone I work with would somehow stumble across HPC and then report me. So, FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKKKK.

Also, tryingt to make plans with friends is so depressing. Here is an example:

Friend: "Want to go to a movie?"
Me: "Yes! Movies are awesome - I love movies!"
Friend: "Great! When can you go. Even though I have a job my schedule is COMPLETELY wide open. Whatever works for you is fine."
Me: "Hmmm...let me look at my calendar and my day planner. Ok, it looks like I'm open from 6:00 - 7:00 tonight...oh wait, not - I've got to plan for the meeting at 7, scratch that. Ok, how about tomorrow, I'm free from 6:00 - 8:00?"
Friend: "That's not enough time for a movie."
Me: "Oh, yeah. Ok - how about Sunday day?"
Friend: "It's mother's day."
Me: "Shit."
Me: "Ok, next Monday night? Oh wait - no, I'm going to a movie with someone else. Do you want to come?"
Friend: "Who is it?"
Me: "...Enter any friend's name here..."
Friend: "Sure, what movie?"
Me: "Star Trek"
Friend: "I've already seen that."
Me: "Want to go get coffee from 6:00 - 8:00 tomorrow instead?"
Friend: "I guess."

YOU IRONIC BASTARD!

2009-05-07T19:15:00.003-05:00

So I was getting tacos today and this dude, just above the elbow on the outside of his bicep, in what appeared to be the Times New Roman font, had the word "tattoo," um, tattooed. FUCK BRO. FUCK. YOU'RE ONE IRONIC BASTARD! I'll give you this though, you ironic bastard, you bummed me out enough that I'm writing about you on the Internet, so maybe, just maybe, you bastard, you win.

I'm sick of abbreviations

2009-05-06T15:18:00.003-05:00

I used the word "gorg" as a replacement for gorgeous in a text message to roomie yesterday and I got bummed.

He then texted it back.

When I'm working in 18+ bars the crowd seems to find it necessary to call coupons "coups" which I really despise.

Also, when texting, I HATE it when people text UR. I don't mind LOL - that's at least an acronym, but UR!!! Just type YOUR. It's only 2 more letters! Same with RU (coincidence that it is the same two letters)? Are you? RU? If you're that fucking lazy don't even bother texting me. The only excuse is if you're driving, and then, only if it's really bad traffic...in which case you shouldn't be texting anyone anyway you fucking moron.

So I promise to stop using "gorg" if the rest of the world promises to stop using "coups" - I think that's a fair trade.

Abandon All Hope...

2009-05-05T16:41:00.002-05:00

Photo from Pudding Bath

On the internet today I stumbled upon the photo above right here, and in the comments HPCer Ash reminded me of "the grossest porno ever."

I have a friend who will seek out really jacked internet porn. He's introduced me to some SHIT, and now it's time to share.

LET IT BE KNOWN THAT WHILE THIS ISN'T QUITE SOME "TWO GIRLS AND ONE CUP" TYPE SHIT, IT STILL IS NOTHING YOU WANT TO WATCH AT WORK AND YOU DEFINITELY DON'T WANT TO WATCH IT WITH PEOPLE WHO MIGHT JUDGE YOU. IT COULD RUIN YOUR DAY TOO, BUT PROBABLY NOT. ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO CLICK BELOW.

One.

Two.

SWINE FLU

2009-05-01T13:49:00.002-05:00

Let's put the "P" in HPC:

2009-04-27T15:04:00.002-05:00

mystery and pain

2009-04-26T22:42:00.003-05:00

mike's pointing to it ^ and calling me "bush league"

I'm pointing to it and calling it lame.

"It" is the scratch/bump on my nose.
How I got said scratch/bump is a mystery.

I think this really works on HPC. I am totally hating on the mystery, and I got it by totally partying with a crew. So.

Really, if anyone knows how I got this, please please please let me know!

HAPPY PLASTIC

2009-04-20T12:23:00.003-05:00

MEAT MARKET

Return Of Tha Baby Killa

2009-04-20T04:20:00.000-05:00

Hating on blog posts that are just the lyrics of a song; usually I don't know the song. Sorry to friends that are implicated in this post, but that's the breaks yo. This song is sick in so many fucking ways, have you even loaded your glock yet?; a nod to Dank Nuggzz, Rest in Piss.

You better pray
When you see me put that nine up in that pussy, ho
Cock it back slow
Rock it back and forth, wait for the nut, then let my trigger go
BOOM!
Pussy-guts all over the room
If you ain't seen it
Then you're fiendin'
For the meanin'
Of that nina of doom
2 inches in and, uh, 4 inches out
You back that nigga that pack that gat
And hit that indo-sack
It's like that
Cannabis seteva got me stuck on stump, fool
All it take is a way, a fat green-bud blunt and a stunt
Cause it's that nigga that work 'em nigga deep
And block creep
And witness murder, baby, kill a seed
Once it'll make you vomit
Guts in a mama's baby, nuts in a bottle, maybe it's common
Biatches keep fuckin' and suckin' and keepin' it comin'
With they drama. POP! It's baby killa season
Put 6 in the clip, put it up that clit
And watch them baby's brains
Drip out that fetus
Bleed, it's that nigga that kill 'em
I'll fill 'em all full for that sicc reason
Season of da siccness broodin', got me trippin' for no reason

Guess what daddy's bringin' home for supper
Nigga nuts and guts and slabs of human meat, motherfucker
Now eat! Cause daddy's workin' hard for you, real, huh?
Killas run around everyday that's why I'm hard for you, nigga!
Now eat!

As I creep, picture every human that I seek
Slabs of human meat
Cause my kids gotta eat
I lives kinda deep, dark, up in tha cut
Where niggas load nines, and barrel-fuck a slut
Nigga, what? You ain't even seen me in my prime
Eatin' baby brains, maby veins, maby spines
I know they be cryin' when I'm cuttin' off the neck
I'm peelin' off the skin for some bacon-fried croquettes
Baby villain spine, that baby-killin' mind
A fifth-pint of gin cause I know I'm doin' time
So catch me now before I do my next crime
My kids' gotta eat, somebody's baby's on the line, nigga

(chorus)

Get ready for the nigga shit
That siccer-than-sicc gut ripgut
Pick-a-vic-up, fuck 'em up with a couple of nine-milla slugs
And put 'em on the ground. Murder toll. Buck buck!
Slugs to the womb
Guts all over the room
That legion of doom
That S to the I-C-X
With a locc and a tech for the throat
and a neck full of gunsmoke it up, locc
One for the nigga who kills them infants and senses
Then this time, I hit 'em with a nine-millimeter, meter
look me nigga me breakin up your skin
Never knew nigga-meat cooked so thin!
So I pack me a nine-milla gat
And creep in the back of the 'Lac
With a sack of the indo

(chorus)

(verse 4 X-Raided)

That's right, once upon a time
A nigga that hella sicc up in the skids
With a lie for the snitch
As a victim's stoned, sayin' "I'll be bones to the pussy clits"
They're a baby ditch to the mastermind
Nine-millimeter shells, they're blind!
Devils made a pact to fuck with match-to-heat, it's one of a kind
Low enough to the shit got hella deep that I had to patch it
To a soul who had the heart to put his mama in a casket
Who could it be?
where can he be
Locked up in the county
cause the bounty
finally found a nigga like me?
X-to-the-R-to-the-A-I-D-E-D
L-O-C
What's up, my nigga?
Pull this trigger
And take my muthafuckin' legacy
But watch your back
Niggas be claimin' that they sicc
But really don't know which way to go when they be fuckin' up with my lunatic
Shiiiit, have you ever seen your mama's cock? (yeah!)
Have you even seen a body drop? (yeah!)
Have you even loaded up your glock?
Well, I could gives a fuck cause even then, nigga, you not my nigga
From that 24 Garden Block
That's doin' time
For shootin' shadows up in the dark
And tryin' to bite before he bark
And when his heart stops
From the metal blue blocks up in the cut
They try to lynch my muthafucka to make some dice up out his nuts
And what the fuck goes thru my nigga's mind up in his cell?
That 24 Deep, no sleep, much stress, nigga
Nigga must be livin' up in hell
And here I am, same muthafucka that got my nigga sicc
Tryin' to kill myself but slippin' more deeper into the siccness shit

(chorus)

Tangentmental Song Post

2009-03-12T00:50:00.002-05:00

Blame it on a good day, blame it on insomnia and a jacked sleep schedule, blame it on Rod Stewart and The Faces, or just blame it on the fact that I'm listening to my I-pod shuffle, drinking a beer, and got an idea. Blame whatever. The idea approached me that I've got some 60 or so songs on my little buddy, and almost each and every song on here has a story one way or another, of why it's on here, why I like it, or some other story about some ethereal meaning that it has. So, as "Stay With Me," ends, here are the songs, and their stories (file this in the party? section); I'm going to write about each song more or less until it ends, then move on, and do it until I'm completely bored or fall asleep:

Bob Seger, "Night Moves"

I never much liked Mr. Seger. Listen to much of his music and he's cheesy, sentimental, and maybe full of shit. But then really listen, and allow yourself to be cheesy, which you and I are at times, setimental (ditto), and so forth, and allow yourself to just get all Segerly. I once spray-painted ~~Seger~~ on my skateboard, but no more. Seger is the muse of pain and nostalgia, the everyman's everyman-that and I totally equated "Night Moves" to my relationship with my highschool girlfriend. Yeah, it was ALL about night moves. Ever since we wrote our own song to the Night Moves song, I've appreciated it even more. Already breaking protocol: skipping ahead.

The Dandy Warhols, "Boys Better" (I think?)

Simply put, Fourstar used this song in one of the most awesome intros to a skateboard video ever, and the shit was in my head forever until I downloaded it. I'm off to a shitty start, clicking ahead...

The Delgados, "Stepping In From The Cold"

Oh good, something to write about. This song was used in the Blueprint skateboard video of some name or another, and a dude named Danny Brady skated to it. Awesome skateboard part to be sure, but the best part about this song comes down to my friend Neal. Neal used to live in Chicago when the aforementioned video came out, and then he blew out his knee, and was no longer able to skateboard. He moved here for school and parents, and thought his skateboard career was done for. Basically, when the CD player in my car still worked, Neal and I were driving around one time, and this song came on. He grimaced slightly, and then turned to me and said, "Yo, I can't listen to this song." He explained that he'd listened to it pretty much everyday the summer past in order to get hyped up, and the thought of it now only made his knee hurt. But he got better and skates every chance he gets now.

Andre Nikatina, "Frisco"

Rob Welsh skated to this song. It was dope. Another time we started jumping over shit in this apartment where we jump over shit just for fun and then it came on and then we jumped some more shit and then we went to that bar, Liquor Lyle's. Never liked that bar that much.

Outkast, "Da Art of Storytellin' Part 2"

Real Talk, this song was formative to old Mr. Gerbik. Aquemini is one of those prototypical records that just defines the time when I really started to get or understand music, or make it mean something, or take a meaning from it, or...While there were countless times when this song came on while I was a 17 year old trying to find a place to smoke a clove or trying to hook up with some girl to make out with, the one time that stands out is the morning after the best party I've ever been to. It was at Neal's house, Weird Science style, I was 18, and we were cleaning up. I put this song on and was vibing hard after sleeping in Neal's mom's office. Chips turned it off and made some joke about shitty rap and then I was bummed.

Belle & Sebastien, "Dirty Dream Number Two

The first time I heard this song was when Damian had edited some footage of people together and used it. Then I heard it a ton after, and loved it, but then it really hit home, when, I was staying in the basement of my house during a protracted break-up with a certain HPC member, and I watched the B & S DVD which I absolutely didn't steal from her, and lo and behold the "Dirty Dream Number Two" music video was on there. Needless to say, I was already in love with Belle & Sebastian due to a previous affair with "Your Cover's Blown" and assorted tracks, and when I saw the awesome (as in awe...) displays of innocence and brilliance and happiness in the video, like, GAME OVER.

Rod Stewart, "Young Turks"

There, I said it, I'm a skate nerd. Louie Bartletta skated to the "Young Turks" and it was fucking awesome and its a good song to walk down the street to or to think about girls you like because it's a love song or just because you like Rod Stewart. Ok?

Sonic Youth, "Teen Age Riot"

The song of the summer of '08. One breathless afternoon I was listening to The Current and heard the song mentioned above and drove. I'd heard it before in some nameless skateboard video and made note of that, but at some point I'd lost the name of the video (thus nameless) but found myself transfixed and fixed and content. Suddenly it became an NPR favorite "Driveway Song," (or across the street 15 feet from the hydrant song) and I sat and listened for some four minutes. I sat so contently that Sam McGuire, who was going elsewheres at the time, came out and knocked on my window and asked if I was OK, or what I was doing, I don't remember, I was blacked out in the music.

New Order, "Bizarre Love Triangle," Radio Mix

I was at the skatepark one time and it came on and it was amazing, it was the real whole song, and then I went home and downloaded it and I got the radio mix, the shorter version, which is good in its own right.

Belle & Sebastian "My Girl's Got Amazing Technique"

I was in Arizona this past X-mas and then my little brother got me the B & S BBC CD. I was staying at a motel because my dad put me up there because my sister and her fiance had taken up the other room, and I was listening to the CD, and I found the song to incredibly poignant at the time; I had a good crush on a girl, and I'm a blistering romantic, and so on and so on. So pretty much, buy beers at the 7Eleven with your little brother and make him listen to the song but don't tell him exactly what's up. Maybe lil' bro is drunker than you.

Playaz Circle, "Duffle Bag Boy"

Spend a weekend at the cabin doing Wizard Staffs and listening to Lil' Wayne and this shit begets itself. Then one night after beers at the skatepark, say the hook over and over and over as you head to your not-so-home, and just remember, you damn sure not 'bout to pick today to start runnin'. Git Money.

Thin Lizzy, "Jail Break"

Pretty much one of the best songs ever. Ever. Benji introduced this song into my life when we were editing Shitheads Vol. 8 for the ender banger section, and from there, why look back? "Hey you; good-look'n female, come here." Also, "In-to the city zones..."

Last one.-Belle & Sebastian, "Lazy Line Painter Jane"

I swear I had the thing on shuffle the whole time, and then the last song I intend to blab about is a banger, I swear. First I heard this song on the DVD that I did not steal, and then I bought some shit on I-tunes and got it on my computer, and WOW. For all my boring/amazing nights of late late '08 into '09, this song has been THE salvo, the pickup, the feel good gem of the year, and other stuff that is way less lame sounding than what was just typed. Simply, LLPJ let's me dream about having a girl tonight, girls with beautiful voices, aimless Scottish jobs in the Village Shoppe, and dreaming of the time when I'm free of all the trouble I should be in. I know about lotions and potions;

The End.

Ummm???

2009-03-03T11:31:00.006-06:00

So, I really hate when people call my work phone looking for April. I am not April. I have never been April. I only know two Aprils - and I don't have either of their phones.

These calls are from are bill collectors, and they call at all hours, usually really early in the morning. They also call and hang up a lot. It drives me mad.

Today though, there was something new:

Good question, anonymous texter; "What is really up wit me?"

I'm not your Honey.

2009-02-18T14:28:00.003-06:00

Dear Jerk-Face Customer,

I hate you. P.S. Please go to hell.

Sincerely,

Someone who doesn't care about you or your sniveling shit-for-brain complaints at all.

So today was one of those magical days where the sun and the stars and the moon align to make my life hell. This must be payback for laughing at that kid in Snuffy's.

I came into work today only to have to read a report that made me so mad I stormed around the office for at least a half hour. It doesn't even matter what the report is - it's just really useless in my opinion. Then I got on the phone with one of the rudest people I've ever talked to. My customers are so nice...this was somebody else's customer and it got dumped on me. The dude proceeded to call me a liar, then he told me he was going to get my company removed from a program (which is such bullshit) and then he called me honey. As in, "Listen here, Honey." Then he hung up on me. So I called him back and told him he was wrong. I literally explained to the guy how he was wrong. His response, "Well it doesn't really matter."

What a d-bag.

Truck Balls, a Familia Sticker, and a Smucker Sticker.

2009-01-26T22:36:00.010-06:00

Where is my nuts? Right fucking here dawg. Let's quote:

Thank You America For a Wonderful Year!!!

Did you have an awesome customer experience?
Do you have a sweet picture of your Nutz?

I don't even know what else to say. Do these rule? Yes? Can I inexpensively order a, um, uh, a pair? YES! Can I get mine in black? The only thing to say here about these eight inches of awesomeness is BOO-YA!!!. Put those dogs in a bathtub.

Let's Talk, or better yet, Let's Hate. We Could Party...

2009-01-19T23:18:00.002-06:00

Did the Hater Party Crew breakup and I didn't get the email, or see the post, or...um, get the text message, or get the call, or get the letter? A letter being sent is very unlikely, I know for a fact that no HPC member has my address, in fact I'm pretty sure that only my Dad, Kevin Wilkins, and GEICO, and the electric company, and the bank have my actual addy. So there wasn't a letter or anything, but really, I'm down a rabbit hole that doesn't lead to my point. I continue.

What is the state of this hating community? I know that the previous post, which I will not link to because you can simply scroll down, somewhat esoterically posited whether or not, "Liking is the new hating in 09'?," but then old Typo' talked about some future shit so I have a feeling that we still might be hating. There is a point, I swear.

I might just be with the rest of ya'll; I'm fairly content with my lot in life, and at the same time, this whole winter thing is sapping all creative energy i.e. hating juice out of me. But I mean, to be frank, fuck all dat bullshit, we can still rule the hatoshphere, as we damn well should be. Take some time and peruse the Renaissance of HPC, aka April of 2008; we killed it! Smart, entertaining hating by all, a little party, a smattering of liking, etc. We still got it folks; if we don't I have to move HPC out of my bookmark bar in favor of what? (checking), oh boring, my TSM login page; cha'll know if you ever check my blog there that I don't update that shit.

So a point, shall we? Could we keep partying, hating, or liking even? Yes we can, Yes We Can. We all still hate on stuff, even if we don't immediately post it on the internet. Here we go, some possible hate content for the '09, where liking might be the new hating but we're in the future so we don't even know up from down (to paraphrase the post below). Yeah, the list of things to possibly hate this year...

-Teenagers. This will never change, and as we're a year older now, we'll probably hate them more.

-Winter. Old faithful; this one has been especially bad, so someone entertain me.

-Fedoras. I grudgingly hold my tongue when certain friends wear them, because they don't even look that bad, but, you, know, someone could get sparked.

-Long Droopy Beanies. Oh fuck yeah, we got this.

-Street Wear.

-Name Dropping Assholes. 2008 saw three posts devoted to a single dude, and one of our fine posters even felt compelled to create a new blogger name for his one-time-under-that-name-rant. We still got it in us.

-Over-hyphenization.

-Politics. It's been all touchy feely and shit since November 2nd, but we're bound to find our hate again.

-The Economy? Almost a moot point at this point, but we're creative.

-Work. Duh.

-Life's Nasty Tricks. They happen, and e-venting is a viable solution, for a bit at least.

-Nicholas Cage.

-The Timberwolves. They're playing well now, but my inner-fan says I just might have another post in me about them.

-Facebook. That shit would write itself.

-Short People. They got no reason to life yo.

-Other blogs. Since this is so still the best thing ever on the internet, I know we can find something to ridicule.

-Dick Cheney. Some info about his sketchiness is bound (or not) to come to light soon, I know someone can tackle that dude (I personally would never tackle him, because I have the creeping suspicion that he has lighting strike capabilities ala THE EMPEROR). Again, digression.

-Blog post pep talks.

I'm out!

Fuck some mother fucking fuckin' hater ass hate.

2008-12-18T16:54:00.002-06:00

Why hate? Let's rap this year up in style peeps...turn a new leaf? Change the stride? Flip the script?

Liking is the new hating in 09'. But then again....i'm on some 2010 shit already!

yeah.

4 and 20; Even if I loved Weed, that would not Rule

2008-12-15T23:39:00.003-06:00

I just watched the Minnesota Timberwolves blow a game; surprised? Not fucking me. They were down 53-50 to the hated Sacramento Kings at the half, who don't even get a bold up in heahre (they hold it down ok with my peeps), and then they lost the game by oh, 20, 17, 25? Guess it was only 15 points, but the Kings suck!

I'm getting tenuously close to fully saying "Fuck the Minnesota Timberwolves and their family and their family pets and I wish I could give up on you motherfuckers like I should give up on that chick that I only see at parties and we've made out like twice and she gave me that blowjob once but it didn't work, and all fucking that." I don't actually have a chick like that in my life, but the T-Wolves seem like they're that chick and the time she/the team gave me that blowjob was in the 03-04 season, so it really doesn't even fucking matter anymore does it?

Dear Mr. Gerbik,

The Timberwolves, at best, were a cock tease some four years ago. Their only saving grace, that dude KG, left you and them long ago and he's kind of ended up kind of being a dick anyways. Get over it. It's not the same anymore, and even if you think the team is going to see you at the party and remember the time that you once hooked up, remember, it wasn't that good anyways, and that the team is totally a different team than you remember. It's worn out, paradoxically younger, less enxperienced, and the blow job is going to be worse than before, not like that's even going to happen.

Love, Mr. Gerbik's Brain

A Step Forward?

2008-12-15T12:03:00.002-06:00

We at the HPC have, in the past, addressed the oddity that is mannequin design. I recently came across this fellow in a sporting goods store in Chicago. Now, I'm not going to draw any conclusions, but I'd like to ask a few questions:

1. Is this mannequin meant to look like someone of African decent?

2. If so, is it a good thing or a bad thing that its being used to display athletic apparel?

3. Furthermore, assuming it is meant to look like someone of African decent, is the intention to appeal to black consumers, or is it an attempt to pump some racial equality into what is otherwise a form designed primarily in the mold of caucasians, thereby appealing to those who are more PC-minded?

4. Where else, if anywhere, are we seeing 'ethnic'-looking mannequins?

To give these questions a bit of context, I should point out that this particular sporting goods store is located in the Lakeview neighborhood. To get an idea of the racial and ethnic breakdown in the this area, look under the "Demographics - Race" column.

I could be reading too deeply into this, but I can't help but be reminded of this.

His Holy Princeness

2008-11-17T18:31:00.004-06:00

So I am supposed to be working, but I was getting stressed so I went to one of my favorite websites, Jezebel...and was psyched to get sucked into the following article. Just do it, click the link! It's titled "Prince: How Prince Went From "P*ssy Control" To Puritanical Proselytizing"

Genius.

and then...

Click HERE. Now, I'm not a huge Perez Hilton fan, but if people are going to hate on Prince they better get their facts straight. According to Perez the New Yorker done fucked up. Read it.

Anyone feel like going to the Front?

2008-11-15T02:06:00.002-06:00

I was staying up late this Friday night into Saturday morning and ended up watching This American Life on the TV, but on the internet. The first section, the opening section, was about dudes that ride horses in Philadelphia proper, and I'd found some parallel between that and skateboarding, and wanted to post it on the primary, that being Platinum. The screen shot above is what I'd thought about posting on Plat; what the real meat and potatoes of the episode is fully not Plat worthy.

Simply, plan on hammering out 30 minutes of your day to watch the episode of This American Life that I just watched; Part One, and Part Two, right there at them links. The general theme is escapes, and while skateboarding worked with the horse aspect, I found the second part was completely it's own deal, heck, we love on here too. It's hard to know what else to even type; the second things got going I was rapt and sucked in, you will be too. If you haven't clicked those links yet, just know that they will question your own sense of existence, and raise a whole load of questions beyond that. It's truly amazing, and Ira Glass really has something going. Just watch the clips man.

FAIR TRADE

2008-11-04T19:12:00.001-06:00

Wassup...To Hope?

2008-10-28T23:46:00.002-05:00

2.5 million views, so maybe you've seen this. I know that I saw it on a ton of different sites, and never peeped it, so I suggest you do now. It's the Budweiser "Wassup" guys in the future, which is now. The end might tickle your brain; it did mine. I'm white-knuckling for a week here.

2008-10-09T09:43:00.002-05:00

Read this. Then wonder what is going on? I think I asked on my blog...but is anyone still interested in seeing this with me? The debt clock, which was erected less than 20 years ago, when our country had less than $3tn in debt, now has to have 2 digits added next year, because we have over $10tn in debt. In fewer than 20 years our national debt has increased by almost $7 trillion (with a T) dollars. Damn.

The Situation I Am In?

2008-10-09T00:01:00.005-05:00

Oh, another night spent fumbling around the internet, another aimless night looking at Hater Party Crew and realizing that, as of the past couple of months, I've had absolutely nothing to hate on. Or hate with. Or hate, otherwise.

Politics are the easiest to hate; Sarah Palin being the easiest and most obvious target. And yet she failed to flounder in the debate. Essentially, the political edge is gone, Obama is up in the polls, and with that I'm generally happy with life, in general (if there's something to hate on, but not really, I should just say, "Hey, call me back.").

What I stumbled upon to post about was regarding something found on Salon.com, regarding a twenty-something close to my age but not necessarily in my own situation. Or closer to me than I want to let on, or admit. Who knows?; some better than others. To quote, and it's a link:

But though they are also out of college with careers now, the people I’ve been hanging around with thrive on more of an extended adolescence: empty flirtation with Barbie at the trendy nightspots, beer pong, ’80s iPod playlists, making fun of each other, and lounging in gym clothes in front of video games, Judd Apatow movies and ESPN. I do wish I could now claim some of the shameless, irresponsible, mainstream fun that my serious relationship kept in check, but on the other hand, there was a reason I never wanted to join a frat … I can escape from that scene in some satisfying ways — practicing the piano, having an occasional co-workers happy hour, getting back into riding my bicycle and playing tennis, and reading, reading, reading — but none are opportunities to start friendships with cooler people.

Read the entire link and find that the writer finds that his current friends circle is far too adolescent or college-like for him. It's a problem for sure, mostly. I looked at this and thought:

Oh!, an ode to my friends. We make fun of each other and use recent Presidential Debate references to do so! Crude jokes about the SS are not only understood as crude and distasteful but also as funny and historically referenced. Placenta tacos? I don't want to eat that shit because I know what placenta is. Basically, my friends are smart, well read, up on current events, artistic, stylish, childish, nerdy, lazy (at times), petty, and generally awesome.

It seems like the writer of the "help letter" could fit in with us, and us know who us is, if only dude took himself a little less seriously. You know?

FOX news = Cocksucking assholes

2008-10-07T15:04:00.000-05:00

Pitbull Hockey Moms Need Love Too

2008-09-24T14:36:00.004-05:00

Like many liberal-minded Americans, I think Sarah Palin is two banjo-strings away from being Deliverance-style crazy. Here's another example of the whacky hoo-doo this woman gets herself into. Read the article below the video link, it gives shortcuts to the really good parts.

And if you're as irked as I am over this woman's painfully outdated views about abortion rights, rape victim protection and single mother care, have a look at the following (thanks Jeremy):

Want to put $5 to good use? Show opposition to Sarah Palin's stance on reproductive rights, denying sex education, cutting financial assistance to single mothers in Alaska and, my personal favorite, her policy in Wasilla, Alaska that required rape victims to pay for their own rape kits after being sexually assaulted. Seriously.

Here's the deal: When you make a donation (minimum req'd donation is $5) to Planned Parenthood in Sarah Palin's name, they'll mail her a card telling her that the donation has been made in her honor.

Here's the link to the Planned Parenthood website:
https://secure.%20ga0.%20org/02/pp10000_inhonor

You'll need to fill in the address to let Planned Parenthood know where to send the "In Sarah Palin's honor" card. I suggest you use the address for the McCain campaign headquarters, which is:

McCain for President
Attn.Sarah Palin
1235 S.Clark Street
1st Floor
Arlington , VA 22202

P.S.Make sure you use that link above or choose the pulldown of Donate--Honorary or Memorial Donations, not the regular "Donate Online"

This is gonna be so good. And I don't know about anyone else, but I can't wait to see the VP debates between her and Biden. It will be the very definition of a verbal smackdown. I mean, there's no way that this chick is going to be able to keep pace with a career politician who has chaired the Foreign Relations Committee and the Senate Judiciary Committee, and who so savagely stripped down Supreme Court nominee Robert Bork that the latter now has an unflattering word named after him. Palin's in for a world of pain.

appalling

2008-09-05T23:20:00.000-05:00

–adjective

causing dismay or horror: an appalling accident; an appalling lack of manners.

[Origin: 1810–20; appall + -ing²]

—Related forms

ap·pall·ing·ly, adverb

Really? I mean really?

2008-09-01T16:07:00.004-05:00

Lauren called me this morning and asked if I wanted to come over for brunch. I was debating whether I should bike or drive...but after a walk to Lund's I decided to drive (I'm sorry...but the humidity is stifling right now and my legs and back are killing me). On my way home from Lauren's I was driving through downtown Minneapolis and came across a bike sharing station set up by Freewheelin. They set up the same thing in Denver for the DNC, and the goal was to get 25,000 miles ridden on these free-to-use bikes between both conventions...I guess the hit 26,xxx in Denver...so they're getting their point across, which is great.

So why the post on HPC?

As I was driving past (what I think is a very good idea) I noticed a Cadillac Escalade blocking traffic in the right lane. They were pulled over to let a few people out, all of whom were wearing Freewheelin shirts...so these people are either employees or volunteers of the bike share group. WHY, Sirs, are you then driving around in an Escalade! I guarantee your hotel is in downtown Minneapolis...and even if for some off-chance it's in St. Paul - do you really need an Escalade? The .9 carbon footprint reduction I saw lit on the big promotion board has been erased by your ridiculous need to floss. ick. I commented on their blog, but the comments need to be approved before they are posted...can't wait to see if I get the green light.

Sidenote: I think I saw that 10,000 some miles had already been ridden in MPLS...if that is true (and not a misread on my part...that's fucking tits.)

Pandering: A New Definition There Of

2008-08-30T03:16:00.003-05:00

Hello Sarah Palin, and eventually, goodbye to some political adviser who just ruined their career by recommending that Mrs. Palin should be the GOP running mate.

That's enough up there pretty much, bet a second rhetorical is so much more fun. What's it gonna be America? Vote against the Black Man or the White Woman? Is that how this will be decided? Who's just not going to show up on election day? I can see it now...

At least I can give it to McCain for being bold, though in a rather insincere way. I can truly say that I have no goddamn clue as to what's going to happen this November. It's tantalizing and scary really, my fingers are crossed.

Fuck a Dude That...

2008-08-26T23:17:00.000-05:00

Fuck a dude who's so drunk at 12 A.M. on a Friday night that he stops his Jeep Cheroke at the intersection of First Ave. and 5th street, stumbles out (barely), with door open begins pissing in the street, when car approaches and stops next to man all he does is point like he's scoring a touch-down, then gets back in his truck and peels out across First Ave almost hitting a car who's turning left, then has to screech to a halt at the end of the block to not hit (again) the car ahead of him parked at the red light.

Fuck that dude.

Joe Biden and a Semester Wasting

2008-08-26T21:19:00.005-05:00

I just sat through the first day of classes today, and through all the first day stupid questions and all that shit (aside: they managed to register for classes and or to be accepted to school and they're asking that question!?), we also went over the whole plagiarism thing for all four of my classes. That got me thinking about Senator Joe Biden and his recent ascension to VP Candidate and something that I read today, I think.

I never knew this, but Biden ran for President in 1988. And I definitely didn't know that he exited the race after he was called out for multiple proven cases of plagiarism. Further reading here (full disclosure: I haven't read that article yet). So just when is McCain going to pounce on this? And when is the rest of the media barring Slate going to remind the general public of this? The true essence of Obamamania will be put to the test with the latter question. And the question remains, as posed in the first article; how much does it still matter? While I'd love to know, it won't affect my vote.

As a final thought for the other posters on this blog, myself included, let's not go another month neglecting our little blog baby. Summer is pretty much over, so there's gonna be plenty of hate to go around. I just hope us people are still even checking this thing. Love, where you at (in general and in life too, call me!)?

Edit: I went back and read the second article that I'd linked to and it noted far more egregious acts of plagiarism on Biden's part. It seems to have started in college. I've never ever understood those that can blatantly lie about themselves, especially when aspects of it can easily be dis-proven, as in Bidens' case. Whether it represents insecurity regarding said liar, or simply an attitude of "by any means necessary," both are rather telling.

As stated, I like(d?) Biden. He's real enough to escape the simple tag of typical politician and maybe unscrupulous enough to regain that tag. As long as a departure from our current shitty path is something that the Dems will continue to stick to, I'm still voting Obama this fall. Running mates don't matter anyways, right?

FUCK.

2008-07-29T14:58:00.003-05:00

I have had enough heart attacks in the past two weeks - I really, really, really didn't need another one. But guess what? Life doesn't work like that, does it.

If anyone knows anyone who is hiring for anything right now please let me know. I'm dead serious. And if you know anyone hiring for anything in Chicago let John know. And if you know anyone hiring in NYC let me know.

So yeah.

Check Yourself. Don't Wreck Yourself.

2008-07-22T14:27:00.034-05:00

So as it turns out I am not a "music festival" type person. Guess what...hot sun+portable toilets+large crowds+asshole douche's who can't get their acts together long enough to aim into a urinal+ long lines+ greasy stomach rupturing festival food+ a lame "no re-entry policy+ out door acoustics (or lack there of)= epic harshness of ginormous proportions (I'll note here that I was the only one in my group that had a less than fantastic time). I'll admit...it wasn't all bad. There was some stellar peep watching. Check out fashion from Chicago's finest Pitchfork attendees. (I would have added captions but just in case there is a Hell I decided not to)

Thank you. I was hoping somebody was going to say something.

2008-07-21T14:46:00.005-05:00

I need to say "Thank You" to Brooke Hogan. Thanks to her fucking stupid ass mouth the women's suffrage movement has been pushed back another twenty years. Please read below to find out what I'm talking about...

"You know what? I am actually not that much into voting. I think it’s kinda crazy that a woman is running, because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff. Like, I’m so moody all the time, I know I couldn’t be able to run a country, ‘cause I’d be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, ya know?"
- Brooke Hogan

Now I'll be honest, I found this quote on PerezHilton.com which doesn't make me proud. But I am happy that I found it. I like to know what I'm working against...and she is definitely one of the things that I'm working against in this world. It actually pains me that a woman in this day and age would say such a thing. I'm not so oblivious to believe that celebrities have any kind of clout with most of the world (or maybe they do and I just choose not to associate with those types of people) but I do think they should have some sense of social responsibility. If they can't say something worthwhile they should just be muzzled.

Parent Hate

2008-07-18T16:21:00.002-05:00

Not only am I sick of looking at a gigantic "Lobster" picture but I also have a legitimate, life shattering hate sesh built up inside of me. I have always felt that I do not have a right to judge parents of "out of control" children due to the simple fact that I myself am not a parent. That was until last Monday. I had a brief yet life shattering encounter with a Satan spawn that changed how I view parenting forever. As most of you may (of may not) know I am a waitress. Waitressing in and of itself involves frequently being in uncomfortable, humbling, awkward, and humiliating situations. This one takes the cake. Is the big Kahuna. Relentlessly goes for the gold.

Monday night I was waiting on a table that consisted of two adults and one child of about three or four. Mid dinner I stopped by to check in and see how their apps were treating them only to be mercilessly pelted in the eye by a large sopping wet spitball napkin wad. To add insult to injury the parents did absolutely nothing with exception to saying the child's name loudly (when did hearing your name loud become punishment?). No apology. Not even a 20% tip. I was so enraged and humiliated that I made my boss finish up the table. Later on in the evening as the family was finishing up the child threw more stuff at me as I was quickly passing by with my head down in shame. Again, his name said loudly was the only punishment. I literally had to go to the bathroom to pick chunks of napkin out of my eye and the only punishment he received was his name said loudly. To top it all off the woman is pregnant (with presumably another spawn of Satan). Why do these people procreate? If you can't control your kid in public don't take it out in public. If you don't want to be a disciplinarian don't become a parent.

I do not choose to be a waitress because I want to baby sit. If you are going to exist in a public place be respectful of the life around you.

Lobster, King Daddy, and/or Sporos...

2008-07-08T13:05:00.003-05:00

You know what I'm talking about. Possibly the most terrifying creature I've ever encountered in real life. One of the only things that makes me scream like a little girl and run away.

I've started to conquer my fear of the Lobster, and now I usually attack them with some sort of cleaning supply or if I can't find that fast enough I will swat them with a shoe or magazine. I will never, under any circumstances touch them with my bare skin (I'm never going to be that brave john). So even though I'm getting over my fear...I still hate these things with a passion. I actually had to cover the picture up with my hand when I was uploading it. Fuck.

HPC certified: Public Passion

2008-06-30T23:34:00.005-05:00

A plug for this other blog-o-mine, or better yet, one that I just started and invited half of the HPC to already. Public Passion. Cha'll know what to do. The amazingness above was in Union Square; a handjob for sure at one point, and someone mentioned they just might have been having sexual intercourse. Cho-ass? You decide. Um, ignore the fact that PP and HPC have the same layout. Ok? Cool.

WWJD?

2008-06-20T17:39:00.003-05:00

I'm currently reading a book about the medieval crusades and I have to say how frustrating it is. "It" being the fact that there have been physical and intellectual battles about faith and more specifically religion for thousands of years. The current world climate is a testament to the fact that people are crazy and these battles will never end. Look at what this kook of a "science" teacher did to a student. He should have no opportunity to challenge the ruling.

One Proper Hater: Chris Hitchens

2008-06-19T14:27:00.003-05:00

Our boy Chris Hitchens is down to call bullshit bullshit, and hate on things with such eloquence that all haters should take note. Point in case, in a past HPC post I talked about Hillary Clinton and how she got the short end of the stick on things in the presidential race. Well, Hitchens sets the record straight. Word.

omg fuck off lol

2008-06-18T11:28:00.003-05:00

fuck you you fucking pop punk loving, stupid hair having, completely unfuckingcool douches. you fucking poser hipsters. thats right. the shit you are trying to get into isn't even fucking cool. you're riding trends that have been played the fuck out since 05. just because you soldmerchthatonetime for that local band don't mean shit. just cause you went to a store opening and drank all the free fucking pbr you could then came to the triple rock only to stumble around like a fucking 16 year old who has had one too many wine coolers doesnt give you any clout.

first off that store you went to: its wack. how the fuck are you gonna sell some deadstock reebok pumps on a shelf right next to some overpriced track bike cages. Something seems a little off. Oh ya, and that dope event after, you know at the 3 rock, with the dope djs? ya that was some motherfuckers piggy backing an already established event. that dude you probly think is your friendbutinrealitydoesntrememberyourname who "runs" the shop did not set that shit up. he's just trying to dig his claws into whatever he can. and im not talking about some collaboration shit here. straight up copping steez. that dude can suck a dick. and so can you. make it his... wait, that already happened.

now lets talk about that band you're friends with. let me tell you something... they fucking suck. ya i know i know, they just got signed to insertindieimprintwithmajorlabelbackinghere, but that in itself is pretty lame. they are gonna get chewed up and spit out faster than one of the underage girls at your "parties". and i'll tell you why. they are copping shit that the people who originally came up with have moved so far beyond. they are ripping off bands who rip off bands.
let me tell you something, i don't care that you are "friends" that band. i don't care about the time you went to wendys with them and paid for all of it. i dont care that they took you on tour and you loaded all their gear for them at every show. they made you their bitch, cause that is what you are... a bitch.

and do me a favor, when you're telling all your friends about this siiiick party you went to, please dont tell them you were the king of the dance floor. i saw you. when you weren't outside smokingbutnotinhaling, sure you were on the dance floor, but standing on the outside of a wackasfuck breakdance circle looking like an asshole does not equal dancing.

so in conclusion, fuck off. you are not cool. you are not doing cool shit. you are not into cool shit. you are a fucking clown. stay the fuck inside at your little house parties. you are a embarrassment to our city you fucking douche nozzle.

2008-06-10T12:44:00.002-05:00

The triple double tonight will have a triple threat. Watch out fools because we will be hating on you in person. Don't get me wrong...there's a lot of love to go around, but if you aren't in the mix get ready for some haterade in your faceplate.

That's better....

2008-06-06T12:52:00.002-05:00

And that's wassup.

Get Me Away From Here...

2008-06-06T12:12:00.002-05:00

I'm not dying, but you get the idea.

Our News Media Is Great!

2008-06-04T16:53:00.002-05:00

Why is it that I can find out what Brad Pitt is spending his money on the day after he does it, but I can't seem to be able to watch the speech Barack Obama gave last night without a fucking headache?

And how, as a major media source, do you cut in a quarter of the way through said speech, to give your two cents on it, and then about an hour later, run a program like TMZ tv. Without interruption?

Two Missed Dinners and a case of Herpangina

2008-05-30T12:04:00.005-05:00

So happenstance strikes again. Random run-in with Lauren from Fobia days-past was fantastic this last weekend. A party, a huge lunch, a bbq, a movie...it was on. It all lead to an invite from her to her place for dinner last night. Good thing I had to work. It was fantastic drinking kalimotxos and watching her prepare everything. It was a little bit of a let-down to have to leave her place literally as she was pulling the amazing looking dish out of the oven. C'est la vie. Consolation prize - a cherry galette which she sent with me...and I devoured for breakfast.

So anyway, left the dinner party to head to a Beast House party which was rad. And there was food. Thank god or I might have lost it. Went out for work until a little after 1 and was raging hungry. Guess what? Conveniently received a text message at 12:59 which read "I'll get u chinese food today" so I'm hyped. Chinese food? Love it. Today? Even better...I already missed one dinner. I would like a back-up dinner, I mean, who wouldn't? So I drive myself over to Uptown only to find myself with no chinese dinner. Appararently there are no chinese food places open at 2:00am on a Thursday night. Why this would be is pretty much not making sense to me. I would have paid at least $8 for chinese food at 2:00am. $9 if there would have been hot and sour soup. Instead I paid $7 for a Jack's pizza and a turkey and brie sandwich from Kowalskis.

Then, this morning, EC informs me that his boss, the wife of his boss, and he thinks he - have herpangina. That's right. Herpangina. Guess what? Herpangina is not a VD. It's not herpes. It has nothing to do with your gina. It's some weird sore throat thing that gives you blisters on your hands and feet. What the fuck? I'm moving off the couch. Contamination is my fear. Herpangina is it's name. I would also like to point out that the cause of herpangina is Coxsackievirus. Yeah - you read that right. Cox-sack-ievirus. This shit is made up.

The past 12 hours have been insane.

Whatever gets you to sleep at night

2008-05-22T14:49:00.005-05:00

Now that the only person who thinks that Hilary Clinton can win the nomination is Hilary Clinton, Barack Obama is focusing his sights on garnering support with fence-riding Democrats. And the group that seems to be on the lips of all media hacks is the White Working Class, aka Reagan Democrats (a contradiction in terms that I enter as exhibit A for the case of why Americans are too stupid to deserve the vote).
Obama continually fails to get the vote of this group. In Oregon, around only 40% of WWCs voted for Obama, in Kentucky (no surprise here) it was less than 20%. Many have been quoted as saying they favor Hilary’s platform, and moreover, would rather vote for John McCain than Obama. Interesting. So, they prefer a moderately liberal president in Hilary Clinton, and barring that, they would rather a left-leaning Republican (whatever that means) who is constantly courting favor with the Neo-Cons. But just so we’re clear, this has nothing to do with race. It’s a matter of experience. Sure. That’s reasonable. And the general misconception that Obama is an elitist.
I love the fact that the black candidate, who has spent most of his professional career working with the working and lower-classes on the streets of Chicago, is the elitist. Not the Republican whose wife’s (albeit undisclosed) wealth is estimated in the hundreds of millions. And certainly not the candidate who grew up in fucking Park Ridge, Illinois (which is the archetype for Anytown, USA—it’s the suburbs personified), had a comfortable, upper-middle class upbringing, and has spent more than 20 million of her own money on her campaign. Nope, it’s Obama.
This bullshit is proof-positive that there are certain voters out there who simply aren’t comfortable with the idea of a black president, no matter how liberal they like to think they are. And interestingly enough, the WWCs aren’t alone. Just today, I was reading an article in the New York Times about retired Jewish Democrats in Florida (yes, they are still fucking it up for the rest of us) who plan to vote for McCain over Obama, because they don’t like Obama’s platform on relations with Israel. So, it’s a foreign-policy issue. Got it.
And a recent installation of Nightline reported how many liberal feminist groups are going to vote for McCain if Obama gets the nomination because they want Hilary to win. So, to follow that train of logic: if Hilary doesn’t get the nomination, feminists will vote for the Republican who waffles over Roe v. Wade depending on who’s fund-raising dinner he’s speaking at, in an effort to punish Obama for taking the nomination away from Hilary. (And apparently the next president will be appointing a new Supreme Court Justice. As things stand in the Supreme Court right now, one more conservative, Pro-Life judge is all that’s needed to repeal Roe v. Wade. But certain feminist groups are willing to risk it in order to teach us all that we should’ve voted for Hilary.) Right.
All of this obstinance in the face of reason can mean only one thing: we are still horribly racist in America. So much so, that people are willing to do things that actually go against what they supposedly want and desire, all in an effort to avoid a little extra melanin in the Oval Office. They can make a great case for foreign policy experience, being out of touch with working-class values, not having a uterus…but it’s all lip-service to their supposed color-blind, P.C. self-perception. The truth is they’re looking for any excuse not to vote for Obama. I just wish these people would have the balls (ovaries in the feminists’ case?) to tell it like it is: “I’m a racist piece of shit and I don’t want a black president.”

It's called hell...and I've been there.

2008-05-22T12:41:00.002-05:00

FRIDLEY
ANDOVER
COON RAPIDS

Don't even bother going to any of the above listed towns. They have all been banned from my life. Don't try getting to them, don't have fun while you're there, and don't try to escape once they've got their claws around you...you'll only end up driving your life away. Just stay out of them and you'll be fine.

I heart my bicycle...SAVBAG

2008-05-21T15:05:00.003-05:00

So these dudes are pretty much one of the elements of the world that just confuse me. Do they really think I believe them when they say they don't recall their personal earnings in 2007? Can they honestly stand before Congress, sworn in, and claim that they have no good explanation for sky-rocketing fuel prices? And that the simple fact that their company's profits have increased at ridiculous rates over the past five years?

These dudes are a-holes. Not because they're rich, not because they run oil companies, not because they aren't investing in reusable fuels - but because they are willing to stand up there and lie about something so obvious. Just say it! "We made a shit ton of money last year, and guess why? It's because we own something people want and need."

My hate is two-fold. These dudes are obvious. But I'd also like to hate/criticize on everyone who contributes to this problem (self included) and then just bitches. All of the miles driven by American's in their cars, trucks, SUVs, etc are absurd. The simple idea of carpooling, busing, walking, or riding a bicycle is so foreign to most Americans it's actually unbelievable. Do I think these options are best in all situations? No, of course not. But do I know, without a doubt in my mind, that I've made many a useless trip in my car when I could have walked, biked, bused, or called a friend who was going to the same spot and driven together? I'm just saying. SAVBAG is taking over. (Saint Anthony Village Bike Association Gang). Ride it.

Return of the Prodigal Hater: The Media, Still Blowing it on the Iraq War. Me, Trying Not To Blow it.

2008-05-19T16:29:00.005-05:00

After a blissful couple of weeks of being low on hate and high on love and liking, I'm back to hating man.

I consider myself a part of the periphery of the media. I'm a staff writer for these guys; I'm a skateboard writer, hence, I'm a part of the fringe of the periphery of the media, but still, I try to take media matters seriously, and if in some meager way, apply it to my "journalism."

One of the ways that I attempt to bolster my media mind is by listening to On The Media; I've posted about these guys before. I rarely catch them on the radio, so I've taken to downloading them weekly. Recently I got behind on listening to my downloads, which meant that I started out today with their show from March 21, '08. I'd gotten rather behind.

The 03.21.08 show happened to be a re-cap show of all their coverage of the coverage of the War in Iraq; what a way to ring in a "Fifth Anniversary"! While I was well aware that the media, for that matter, most of the media, had blown their reportage of the war, what I found in the above episode of On The Media was nothing short of puke in your mouth sickening at times. Download it, pod it, and then find an activity where you can listen to the entire episode in entirety. (Note: I'm well aware that On The Media is a criticism show, and that they damn well intended to make me throw up in my mouth. Still, the fact that they can compile 50 minutes of audio that has the ability to do that to me is telling.)

Here's what bums me out, beyond the tragedy that is everything regarding the current war. The whole thing was a good slap in the face for me to get way more proper about my own work. I'd been making a push to slip in a little bit more "real talk" into my pieces, but really, it's a dicey activity. Piss off the wrong people and advertisers walk. Call out a skater and all of a sudden there's someone who will actually try to kick my ass for some dumb comment. Ridicule a video worth ridiculing (or supposedly ridicule a video), and I end up with someone saying "Fuck Gerbik". I don't want to sound like some gigantic pussy for stating all this, but I also want to have fun doing something I love and not worry about bullshit. All the while I find myself cringing while I dance around the fact that so and so skate video should never, under any circumstances, be purchased, and I worry about the feelings of some 16 year old kid while he blatantly lies to me in the middle of an interview.

Fuck it. Time for some "smart real talk," keeping my job, and having fun. And calling out teenagers; we hate them more than ever.

If It's Not From The Heart It Is Just Paper

2008-05-16T16:49:00.003-05:00

Kyle received a birthday card today from his work. The CEO decided to include his personal business card in with the card. How self important do you have to think you are to think that someone would be hyped on receiving your business card for their birthday? I plan on e-mailing the douche and telling him that a business card is not a gift. In fact it is garbage. If this dill hole really believed that people would use the business card than I doubt he would ever send them out. Happy birthday...here's a slap in the fucking face. Well, I plan on using the business card to give this a-hole a piece of my mind. Down with the "corporate mentality".

suck it

p.s. I have not been hating or partying hence my absence.

Ground control to Major

2008-05-16T11:59:00.004-05:00

It's just too hard to hate on such a beautiful day. I'm sure I'll be able to fit some in somewhere on this post, but I'm kinda swinging back to the party side of things with a few flicks I've shot over the past month or two that I really like. This first one is of Jamie and I on the night of our random adventure downtown. We both found ourselves solo at the RJD2 show and when we ran into each other we were both psyched (at least I was, she might have been faking). That show was amazing and the rest of the night was ridiculous. Somehow we ended up at the annex drinking for free and dancing with no one. I think we pretty

much spent the rest of the night roaming between the main room and VIP...two totally different nights between the two rooms. So much fun. So ridiculous. And I cannot salsa.

Next photo is a little more recent, me & the TG at his birthday bash at the Stag. If you didn't go you blew it. And by blew it I mean blew it (see photos below).

Don Damiano and a mystery head getting down. Did I make out with that head? Weird.

Ante up. Bitches. Thanks to Mike the King 2600 for that gem. I think the crowd might have liked it. Just a little.

This might not look like a party...but trust me. It is. You know why? Because it's a couch and a coffee table pushed together with an airmattress on top. And I sleep on it. That's all you need to know.

So there you have it. I'm in a good mood and I didn't even hate at all. I've just been partying too hard - that and falling asleep during too many movies. I plan on keeping the streak alive this evening with a lovely dinner at Palomino to celebrate my girl Sarah's big day! (She just graduated from nursing school...big ups!) Then I'm headed to Park Tavern to celebrate Kyle's big day! (He was born on this day many moons ago). Then who knows? Movie I can't finish and Bed? I think maybe yes. Especially since it's so classy.

And don't forget! Tomorrow night...Wisconsin Party at the BH at 8...Stasiu's at 10pm...Shoreline will kill you and take your soul. Be there. Also - DC Ice's show is opening at Fox taxes. Don't blow it. Yea Art-A-Whirl!

OH WAIT!

2008-05-15T18:12:00.000-05:00

who's pissed?

186 definitions why...

2008-05-15T18:02:00.002-05:00

...being a poser is some childlike shit. Check out all 186 definitions for the term "poser" right here. I've scrolled thru a bunch...and the verdict is that there is nothing rad about being a poser. So....maybe some of all ya'll want to reconsider your shit.

Hmmm....

Are you fucking kidding me?

2008-05-13T13:08:00.002-05:00

And a whole lot of other emotions that are spewing right now. So I kind of had a 180 in attitude today. I woke up feeling great - the airmattress/coffee table setup is working nicely. It was sunny out, I put on a skirt - didn't even need a sweater. Listening to Cut Copy, started a pleasant IM session, talking to the Saloon about an event, planning on going to Triple Rock tonight, City Page's "Best Of" party tomorrow, dinner at Palomino Thursday...the world was in order. Bombs have now been dropped and I'm sort of just sitting here. It doesn't even matter what the "bombs" were, just that something can swing my good mood so far in the other direction bums me out. I am one of those people who tries to have a lot of self control over my emotions and my actions. You all know me - I like control, I'm in charge, I make the decisions (to my detriment at times). I don't like when that is taken away from me, and I don't like that it can happen easily. Hopefully I get in the swing of things and rock the other way soon. I'd just like to give a big fuck you to other people having control. There - feeling better already.

FUCK ALL THAT. (rant)

2008-05-12T19:22:00.003-05:00

On some FOR REAL shit....let's bring back a little slice of some mother fuckin hate here shall we. Yo...here we go:

THINK WITH YOUR FUCKING MOUTH CLOSED.

Do you really need to walk around asking questions that are so dumb that GOOGLE can't get you results, because your mom already told you 1,000 times before(and everyone's mom) so that query has been omitted from the entire FUCKING internet WITH your fuckin mouth gaping open accenting your second and third chins perfectly. You're profile was looking stellar as this went down. REAL HYPED on that shit. Nothing (shy of a dunce cap) would make you look any dumber than you already looked while you wasted oxygen living, and speaking just now in my presence.

FUCK man....FUCK.

HPC Special Report: Hating Still Low, Partying Still Up

2008-05-11T20:14:00.004-05:00

Even with all the rain, new living situations, emotional roller coasters, and so forth, the past couple of weeks have left me with very little to hate, a lot of partying, and a general sense of well being. So, hating? What about things I'm loving (mainly party-ass things)?

-A's wrapped up in three of four classes. Totally the least party of these bullets.

-Art show dance party keggers.

-Being paid to talk to this guy and this guy.

-Hearing a first hand explanation of this.

-This.

-All the other parties and randomness and all the people involved. Look no further for the definition of the fake life.

If I've got to hate on something, and be it a nominal hate, it's these two things, but I can't get too mad at 'em:

-Skunked by Mother Nature. Rescheduled, might even be better that way.

-Good luck in NYC Viking. But who isn't moving there right now?

-Blogger's totally fuck-o link setup right now. Oh, but the new link in the code for one half way up the page? Cool!

Party on the Run

2008-05-07T16:38:00.003-05:00

So, I don't get to party too often these days. I've got to make it count. This is how it goes down: infrequently, and with stars of reality TV. Check it.

I would like to hate...

2008-05-07T15:07:00.001-05:00

on this. Blowing it dudes. Really blowing it.

I was really looking forward to reading something today from any of you. Thanks a lot.

Andrew W. K.

2008-05-02T17:27:00.006-05:00

So the picture of Max dominating me kind of explains how the past few weeks of my life had been.

Meaning...it didn't take much to knock me down and keep me there for a minute. No blame to myself or others...I'm just hating on life throwing curve balls. I do want to say that I absolutely agree with Mr. Gerbik...Hater Party Crew had been hating hard core, and maybe it's time to focus on the party.

So focus on the party I shall...please note the following exhibits...shennanighans abound when you're in the windy city. There were meet-ups of epic proportions; including a fabulous stay at the 5 star Kemi-Inn, a reunion (and introduction) of our Chicago HPC pal everythingeverything, and a random (yet totally not) meet up with Lisa and Lulu. So, for those of you in HPC who didn't make it to the Chiz...please say you'll come next time. And for those non-HPC members who did come...thanks for the memories. I will walk 4 miles to party with any of you any day.

Mean mugs...or drunk mugs. Either way they're cute.

Ignore the fact that I'm red. I wasn't drunk. I swear. Finger bangs are boring to Chicagoans.

But if you're bored just look for David. He lights up the room...and my heart...

I still don't think he's a zombie. But he does know how to party.

Had you already ditched us for a gazelle and a taxi at this point? Whatever. Who cares.

Umm...you had to be there.

And they were.

The Fake Life is Catching On

2008-05-02T00:24:00.004-05:00

So the Hater Party Crew hasn't had much to hate about lately. Is that bad? I didn't think so either. One thing that's been lacking thus far for this blog is some good old party. I just got my card reader back from our girl Extreme, and managed to post some proper party pics. So it's like that.

Onwards to Fake Life. I see two members of the HPC have embraced the idea on their other blogs, here and here.
Good to see that, but I must stress the fact that Fake Life has nothing to do with the letter "y", so let's not get it twisted.

As for a definition of the Fake Life. Let's see, it boils down to doing exactly what you want to do, mostly work, a little pleasure, and otherwise, with the best people in the world around you. That's pretty concise, right? Good.

Here's to the guy that coined the term "Fake Life", Mr. Steve Nesser. You can witness his capers here and otherwise just keep an eye on skateboarding to get it otherwise.

In conclusion, I'll say we focused far to much on the hating for far too long. Here's to a damn good party.

April's HPC Hater of the Month Nominee

2008-04-30T13:44:00.003-05:00

You know a dude has gotten way more than his fifteen minutes of fame when the media gets all self-reflexive and starts asking, “Why are we still reporting about this guy?” Such is the case with Rev. Jeremiah Wright. He has traveled the gilded parabola of fame, and is now careening back towards obscurity. Or is he? Many thought his ride ended several weeks ago when Obama gave his seminal race speech (mark where you were when it happened, the grandkids will be asking you all about it) and nailed down the differences between himself and his pastor. Or so we thought.
Just last week, Wright is on Bill Moyers’ program, delivering a fairly balanced assessment of what went down between himself, Barack and the media shit-spitters. I, for one, thought it was good that Wright was getting some sound bites out. According to Wright, he’s a pastor, his responsibility is to his congregation, his message is for his congregation. Why should he have to give up his First Amendment rights for another man’s bid for the presidency? Particularly when it has been made clear that he and Obama have different views on a number of issues. Can people not make the distinction, especially when it’s being spelled out for you, between Wright’s views and Obama’s? It was looking promising.
And then Wright started popping up all over the media like a one-man Whack-a-Mole. Now, what he’s saying is only mildly inflammatory (at best). But let’s look at where he’s giving these speeches: a panel in Dallas, a meeting of the NAACP, a National Press Club dinner. I think we’d all agree that these are not Trinity United Church in Chicago. If Wright’s responsibility is to his congregation, why is he not making these statements from the pulpit? He knows what he’s doing is jeopardizing Obama’s campaign, and yet, he keeps talking.
One of Wright’s colleagues, Rev. Eugene Rivers of Boston (who knows Wright personally) puts it best:

Unfortunately, Rev. Wright was overtaken by his own need for attention. The sad spectacle… was simply an extended ego trip that had no practical, political, policy or programmatic utility. That was pointless rhetoric which was ultimately narcissistic and just based on him trippin’.

It has also been reported recently that Wright was not invited to the rally where Obama announced his bid for the presidency. That’s an interesting twist in the story. Could it be that these are not the actions of a man who felt the need to defend himself against media attacks? Could it be, instead, that the Rev. is simply hating on Obama for a perceived slight? Wright is on an ego-trip (props to Rev. Rivers for using ‘trippin’ on morning network TV—fucking tits!) and apparently, he wants to go down in history as the man who cost the first Black presidential candidate (not including Jesse Jackson) the nomination. That is mad-haterish.

Re: WTF

2008-04-30T00:42:00.003-05:00

I know that I commented on your previous post, but real talk, after a nuclearly awesome weekend, I haven't had much to hate on. There's something to be said about a real vacation from the news media, and I had that. There's something to be said about a weekend of nothing but homies too, and yes, I had that. And past the weekend days, there's something to be said about good week days, a couple of those in fact, and yes, I've had those too. And that's all Real Talk. Basically, after a Fliff night or two, I'm good. Fake life or real life, it don't matter.

WTF?

2008-04-28T21:11:00.002-05:00

Is it possible that we all had such epic weekends that none of us had time to create a post in five days? I'll hate on us for being lazy, good for nothing, party animals that can't take five minutes out of our lives to hate of some shit. Anyway, I just finished college...so word up. Watch out...lady with a degree coming through.

side note: I always thought that if you graduated from college you would instantaneously rule at Jeopardy and crossword puzzles....not the case. However, I still kill it at "Skate or Die 2" (the mini ramp of course) and "Duck Hunt". Suck on that.

Barack Obama's REAL TALK

2008-04-23T20:42:00.004-05:00

By now you've probably heard about Barack Obama's comments regarding working class people in small towns. If not, here's what he said, and since my two minutes of googling isn't yielding anything, I'll just quote directly from the Time article that got me thinking here:

"...'Bitter' small-town voters 'cling' to their faith, along with their guns and their 'antipathy to people who aren't like them.'"

Well fuckin' A, what an elitist, right? A liberal elitist at that. Harvard ass Chicago suburbs ass liberal elitist, right? Oh hell no! The media is over covering this comment. It's been a week or two, and they're still running with it. They're over-analyzing it, talking about the significance of the fact that he said it in San Francisco (liberal headquarterz fool), and just generally not posing all the questions regarding his statement.

Is his statement at least slightly on point? Are these people, non-withstanding the religion and guns and xenophobia bitter? The resounding answer is yes. I need to look no further than that same old Time article for proof, one example, on top of a ton of others that I've heard and read:

"I think them remarks is the absolute truth," said Bill Williams, 60, a bearded disabled veteran from Waynesburg who attended an Obama town-hall meeting near Pittsburgh. "We like our faith and our guns. I went to church when things were bad, and I went out and I hunted for my family food, where I didn't know whether to put the gun in my mouth or to shoot an animal. So, yeah, he was right on the money. And was I bitter, and am I bitter? Hell, yes, I am."

All the coverage of the story seems to contain a similar quote, and all the while, people gloss over the fact that maybe they (my first and not last condescension) really are bitter.

So, point A covered. Moving on, I'll get my own real talk going and just say that I agree with Mr. Obama. I'm sure that the vast majority of the press agrees with him too. I'm sure that the vast majority of the readers of this blog agree with him, and almost everyone in this hater conglomerate agrees with him too. There's massive intellectual dishonesty going on here, and it just dawned on me that this may be a backlash to SNL and there real talk concerning the media and how they took part in Obamamania. That actually happened, I don't disagree.

What I do disagree with is the continuation of this story, and while it may not be an effort to save face on the MSM's part (can it really be the liberal mainstream media in this regard?), it is definitely blown out of proportion, and it has definitely been poorly reported.

Shitheads (not Vol. 8)

2008-04-22T15:07:00.002-05:00

I really can't stand teenagers. Especially teenagers in restaurants. They are loud, obnoxious, boisterous and generally repulsive. They tend to believe people care about their opinions, when

in reality - nobody cares what teenagers think. Not even the teenagers that participate in student debate, mock trial, speech...or any activity where students act as though their limited education allows their verbal vomit to possess any more merit than usual. There was a recent debate on our very own HPC about the legitimacy of blogs and new media venues in general. Many people have the opinion that blogs are like teenagers; self-indulgent, narcissistic, snotty shit for brains, and they never shut up. Funny thing is, I like blogs. I read a ton of blogs, about all kinds of things...some completely for the purpose of wasting time and laughing and others because their content is challenging and informative. (and yes...I know slate is a magazine...but their writers blog). Because, while blogs might be a little too cool and full of themselves at times, they can be shut off, navigated away from, or simply never visited again - the teenagers is an entirely different subject. Teenagers will follow you if they know you're uncomfortable in their presence. In fact, teenagers enjoy pissing people off. Look at the jag-off above - this idiot teenager in Australia is a lame-ass racist piece of shit who has been convicted of drunk driving, spitting on an asian kid, and all around douche-baggery. Guess why? He's a teenager. Therefore, impressionable, sure of himself, and stupid. And when he's out of jail or off house arrest he's going to be back in the general public - and that makes me shudder.

I Am Not Sophie...I Will Not Make a Choice

2008-04-21T21:16:00.003-05:00

I officially hate the Minneapolis versus Saint Paul feud. Both cities are equally as awesome (in my opinion). I currently live in Saint Paul but grew up in Minneapolis (best of both worlds?). What I love about these "twin cities" is that I keep discovering new neighborhoods. I do a lot of estate sale-ing and garage sale-ing which brings me to new neighborhoods fairly regularly. Just when I think I've go this metropolitan area figured out it surprises me (suburbs included). Yesterday I strolled through a million dollar mansion on lake Minnetonka, a $320,000 shit hole in Linden Hills, the home of two profs. near Snelling and Selby, and an apartment in Richfield. The lives that people live and leave behind in these two cities is amazing. Maybe the peeps are what make this place so special.

Downtown Saint Paul has beautiful bluffs and caves while downtown Minneapolis is bolstering with commerce while both showcase the remnants of a once agriculture based industry. It's beautiful when it snows, it's beautiful when it's sunny, it's especially beautiful when it storms (as it is doing right now). Wherever I go and whatever I do I will take with me the view of downtown Saint Paul from metropolitan state university (near Dayton's Bluff and Swede Hollow-check these areas out!).

The diverse neighborhoods in the twin cities never ceases to amaze me. In every nook and cranny there is something special happening. I can't choose which one I like better. I don't think that you should either. Lets end this rift! I am sick of people treating me like I live in some sort of foreign country...I am no more than 20 minutes away from most things (maybe 25). That's how long it takes to drive from downtown to uptown on Hennepin!

Each city deserves respect. Holler for the united Twin Cities.

Who Invited This Guy, Anyway?

2008-04-18T10:48:00.002-05:00

Pope Benedict is visiting the US. I’d like to offer him kudos for jetting all the way over here to apologize for decades of kiddy-diddlin’ by American priests. Sure, it’s six years late, but it’s never too late to say you’re sorry, right? Right. And we can rest assured that he had no ulterior motives. He just wanted to say “Sorry.” It’s merely coincidence that the RCC paid out over 2 billion dollars to thousands of sex abuse victims. And it’s further coincidence that, as a result of the scandals, American donors, both large and small, are no longer dropping coin on the collection plate.
The Pope’s visit is a PR push, plain and simple. He’s trying to drum up a little revenue in a stalled market. If it sounds like a lot of corporate jargon to describe the actions of an organized religion, that is no coincidence. I did a 12 year sentence in the Catholic education system. And while the educators and priests were committed to doing their jobs, there was always another presence. Was it the Holy Spirit? Was it the air of divinity? Nope. It was the Church administrators quietly whispering, “Pay up.” At the end of the day, the RCC is a business. You can’t be one of the richest landholders in the world, with properties on every continent excluding Antarctica, with your corporate headquarters located in its own country, and run it on prayers alone. The RCC has armies of accountants, lawyers, financial planners, and PR men—most of them men of the cloth. To these people, a decline in faith is bad only if it starts to hurt profits.
Another interesting Papal note: the Holy Father has added harming the environment to the list of Deadly Sins. (For those of you fortunate enough not to have been raised with this bullshit dogma, Deadly, or Mortal Sins, once committed, get you a ticket on the express train to Hell. The Church offers a way out, however. Confession and penance can absolve you of your sinful ways. It’s an ancient and sadistic rite that allows priests to hear all our nasty secrets and then mete out punishment accordingly. There’s also an ancient assertion that priests, in all likelihood, get off on hearing Confession.) Back to my point: it’s a sin to harm the environment. So, let’s see if we’ve got this straight: if harming the environment is a sin, and overpopulation (in places like India or China) harms the environment, wouldn’t birth control be a virtuous thing? In order to give this new doctrine the credence it deserves, shouldn’t the Church re-evaluate its position on birth control? Sadly, the Church has a knack for ignoring its inherent hypocrisies, so it’s doubtful they’ll roll over on contraception in order to present a consistent message.
And never one to forget the bitter with the sweet, Benedict has been quoted as saying, regarding Americans, that:

“Faith becomes a passive acceptance that certain things 'out there' are true, but without practical relevance for everyday life. The result is a growing separation of faith from life, living 'as if God did not exist.”

In essence, he’s saying that we are steadily becoming lazy in our commitment to matters of faith. Even though I no longer participate in an organized religion, I found this comment upsetting. I mean, how does the Pope know? How could he know? And even if this is true, then who’s to blame? The media? The educational system? Or perhaps the religious leaders who have undermined their own authority by giving their coffers and libidos greater priority than their congregations? Who’s to say? Certainly not some old German fart that doesn’t live here.

Maybe We Don't Know Shit. So What?

2008-04-16T22:42:00.004-05:00

I recently posted about a seemingly local website whose sole purpose is to spread dissent regarding global warming, and climate change, and so on. Even in a hating setting I tried to be, and maybe quoting, fair and balanced, but in this age of Real Talk, one must ask, who actually thinks human induced climate change is fiction? Seriously.

This Slate article highlights the American style of paranoia concerning science. It's a good read, in that, by the second installment, it does reach for an air of fair and balanced by calling, in my words, the good guys, guilty of the same thing that the "bad guys" are attempting and succeeding at.

I've taken to watching C-Span lately, and I watched a program with a speaker who talked about America's general lack of knowledge of how science actually works, and this plays into the idea of "scientific paranoia" quite well, because this lack of know-how just spreads the skepticism that basically flies in the face of what science actually does.

I'm stringing many things together here, and may not know how to untie everything, so I'll just end with a couple of questions that are completely not hypothetical.

-How does God (or god) continue to exist?

-Do people really think, whether they have vested interests or not, that humans are not contributing to climate change?

-Bordering on a rant, how can evolution be held as a theory in the popular concept of the definition of that word, in that, it's a non-conclusive idea? If one were to ask me, which you just did, I would say that the simple fact that life exists without a god is far more astounding than if it does. But that's just me.

-With respect to Bowie, is there life on Mars?

I'm of the opinion that, while not infallible, science should be taken as it is, unless you're a scientist and smart enough to come up with something reasonable that says otherwise. It seems that, as it has been throughout it's history, science will always be under attack by people whose interests lie in science being disproven.

Edit: An aside for creationists with a dogged reasoning.

Another Non-Hate: Corey Brewer

2008-04-16T21:23:00.004-05:00

I"m watching the Timberwolves' final game of the season, and our #7 draft pick, Corey Brewer, has had a rough fourth quarter. Shoot, the Wolves had a hell of a tough year, and this final game just encapsulates it. Here's what I'm talking about:

-Brewer grabs a steal, goes on the fast break, goes for a one handed dunk (and he's so skinny and just rad looking that I love it) jumps too early, and basically gets the ball stuck on the front of the rim. He gets his own rebound, only to put it up two more times under the basket, and doesn't convert.

-Minutes later, Brewer flashes up the baseline towards the basket, catches the pass and goes up for another dunk, when his face is just wrapped up. He misses the basket, and then to add insult to injury, he lost his contact during the foul. He struggles on court to get it back in his eye, only to have to finally go to the side to get some solution to put it back in.

Brewer just came up in one of the ways that I love him for; possibly the final possession of the season, Milwaukee has a chance at the final points of the game to go two up on a tie, and Brewer stole the inbound pass. Proper.

Basically, Brew-dawg is my boy. I've told him that I want him to be on a strict diet of protein shakes and burritos over the off-season, and to pump some serious iron. That is that.

Blog Hate: The End of Intelligence?

2008-04-16T10:59:00.007-05:00

A friend of mine recently started a blog as a way to organize ideas. In this way all ideas are organized into the blog and at his disposal at any time from any place (pending Internet access). His first blog was about a radical anti-capitalist thinker who was thrown in jail as an act of government repression. What got my attention about this entry was not the content or the writer of the blog, although I feel strongly that one must assess the societal and cultural ramifications of repression by the status quo. What struck my attention about this entry came in the form of a comment. The comment had little to do with the content of the entry, it was more of a general statement about blogging and I think it captures a negative cultural attitude about blogging. I would include the comment in this entry but am afraid to incur any more wrath.

I will however include highlights. The writer accuses blogging as being part of a new trend toward hyper-expressionism. He/she calls it"obsessive self expression and exhibitionism". He/she says, "The current generation of young ones seems utterly convinced that not only do they have something to say, but that everyone wants to hear/see it. You don't have to be a good writer, or particularly unique in your talent or experiences to be a writer anymore." The writer goes on to pose the question, "don't you think it is part of the consumerist/capitalist machine?". He/she goes on to say that, "there is something nauseating to me about all this flashy, pseudo-intellectual babble that I am surrounded by in the world of pop culture these days. I think I can actually feel myself getting dumber."

Now maybe you agree with all of these things. Maybe you think that not everyone should be a writer or that not everyone deserves to have their voice heard. Maybe you think that blogging is self absorbed and shallow. I can't argue that it's not. It is just blogging.

If what this person is accusing blogging of is true than as bloggers we have to raise the bar. Having an opposing viewpoint does not make me a dissenter and it does not make me a "bitch". Having an opposing viewpoint (or any viewpoint at all) makes me not only a participating member in a democracy but it also makes me a human being. Well, I do have things to say and so do many others. Maybe blogging is "obsessive self expression" but many writers are arrogant assholes. Why should anyone be denied the right to have a voice? If blogging is contributing to the consumerist machine than what are op-ed pieces doing? and zines? and symposia(symposiums?)? and college's? I agree, there is a lot of pseudo-intellectual babble happening but that babble isn't confined to the blog-o-sphere. It's everywhere. As for blogs making people dumber, maybe they do, I don't know, I never claimed to be a scientist. As far as I can tell anything, be it a blog or not, that challenges a person to think critically about something can only be doing more good than bad (no matter how excellent or poorly it is written).

For me, I see blogging as an easy way to express ideas. At HPC we've created a forum (and I am sorry If I have compromised that forum...that especially goes out to you everything). We do not need to be "writers" to write just as we don't need to be "photographers" to take photo's. We can take blogging seriously without taking ourselves too seriously. Blogging should serve as a self expressive space where we can go to express our ideas in the company of our peers. Let's face it, many of us don't really have much actual physical personal space. For me blogging has served as an extension of my space. It doesn't matter if people read my shit or not. It is a way for me to express my ideas while reading/participating in the ideas of others.

So maybe you think I take this shit too seriously. Maybe I do. I don't like to create crap. So maybe to you "sharp social commentary" is tongue in cheek but for me it's not (although I do have a sense of humor...I think that all "sharp social commentary" should). I don't want to be pigeon holed into being just another self absorbed narcissistic blogger who I have something to say when really I don't. I also hope that I am not contributing to any consumerist/capitalist machine through blogging..in fact blogging is the one arena where I feel pretty confident that I am not (however, I do have a fairly gnarly addiction to shopping).

Final thought: Everyone is entitled to their own unique viewpoint. I thank the comment leaver for inspiring me to think about all the many many ways in which I think that they are wrong. I also thank that comment leaver for inspiring me to think about the many many ways in which they are right. It's always good to keep in mind the things that you may or may not be contributing to the world. As for my fellow bloggers on this site: I do not think that any of you are self obsessive narcissistic pseudo intellectual babblers. I think that each and everyone one of you has a unique perspective to share with the world.

p.s. The blog, "stuff white people like", just got like a billion dollar book deal. Something to keep in mind. I wouldn't mind being a bagillionaire.

Grossed Out at The AF..or Was it Hollister?

2008-04-14T20:39:00.002-05:00

I think that this mannequin sums up everything that is wrong with this world. If this one came to life I don't think that Andrew McCarthy or Kim Catrell would be too hyped.

Writers Vs. Editors: A Battle for the Ages

2008-04-14T20:01:00.003-05:00

"Writers, they say, are whiny, self-indulgent creatures who spend too much time alone. They are egotistical, paranoid and almost always seriously dehydrated. Above all, they are spectacular ingrates."
-Michael Kinsley

Watch out Bridezilla

2008-04-13T15:37:00.003-05:00

This blog site is the brain child of five people in a S.U.V. hating on a wedding. In light of that I would like to state my disdain for weddings in general. It is not so much the "getting married" part that I hate (usually there is free booze and cheesy music). If peeps wanna wed that's their prerogative. What I hate is a societal culture that uses guilt and manipulation to coerce people into marital unions. If you are in a relationship than you know that the perennial question of "so when are you two going to get married" is a dreaded one if you are not engaged. Although I am often temped to say "never" I don't actually have the balls to say it. So-the-fuck-what...I don't want to get married. Here's why.

I don't need my government condoning my relationship. I don't need society to tell me, "now it's okay that you two are living together and having sex". I can make that decision on my own. My commitment to my boyfriend/partner is all my own. We are faithful. We are respectful. We love each other. No piece of paper needs to tell me that I feel these things. What is the most fucked up about it is that if one of us were severely injured the other wouldn't be able to visit or have any sort of rights. I'd much prefer my boyfriend have to make the DNR decision than my family. He knows me the best but with out that piece of paper he can't.

So am I supposed to feel guilty for living in "sin". Honestly, do we really need an omnipresent all knowing Deity (that may or may not be fictional) to tell us how to be good people? Shouldn't we be able to make moral decisions on our own free will? If there is a god and if that god can't tell that I am a good person living my life in a fruitful way than that god doesn't seem so great to me.

So if I have no god to please and don't want to subject my relationship to imperialist patriarchal societal standards than what is the fucking point of getting married?

Maybe it's to have a day that's completely devoted to me playing pretty pretty princess. A day to showcase how happy I am. A day to rub my relationship in the noses of my family and friends. No thanks. Narcissism turns me off. As far as my relationship is concerned everyday should be an affirmation of my love and commitment. Having one mega day seems to detract from that sentiment.

plus there is the issue of biology. Human beings are animals. I can't guarantee that I won't ever want to...you know....with some one else. No one can. It's biologically impossible. This might seem pessimistic but often pessimism and honesty go hand in hand.

People treat getting married as if it is some kind of accomplishment. They look at the size of the engagement ring as if it directly correlates to how much your spouse loves you. Materialism should not be a factor in marriage at all. The wedding becomes more of a show than an expression of love between two people. Anyone can get married. Not everyone can stay in a sustained long lasting relationship. Not everyone wants to be in a sustained long lasting relationship. Our culture has created a box for us that it wants us to neatly fit into but this box goes against our human biology and doesn't factor in the "different strokes for different folks" idea. It assumes that everyone wants to get married. It assumes that those who aren't in relationships desire to be in relationships. Marriage isn't the be all end all...and it isn't necessary.

Not to mention that weddings seem overly forced, overly rehearsed, and nauseatingly sterile.

Maybe I'll get married some day. Who knows. But if I do it will have more to do with necessity than desire. Plus is will in all probability have pyrotechnics, dirt bikes, truckzilla, and acrobatics.

The HPC Mohawk Guide Book

2008-04-11T18:00:00.003-05:00

I saw this guy at a bar once who was rocking a mohawk who also had a tattoo on his head. The deal was, if he didn't have that haircut, you couldn't see his tattoo. And from that day forward, I've hated mohawks.

I've also decided that there are only two groups of people that can wear them:

-Little kids.

-NBA players.

End of discussion. Edit: I picked a really bad photo for the post, but it's so stupid it stays.

Sick and Tired

2008-04-11T11:48:00.002-05:00

This is a short one, because I’m tired and mad. Hate on a motherfucker who insists on coming to work sick! I’ve got an illness set on slow-boil because one of my co-workers felt it was wiser to drag his infectious ass into work rather than stay home, where he’d only give his house plants the cold. Three days in a row he does this. I’ve been wondering why I wasn’t getting sick. Now I know, I was getting sick—slowly, but surely. I was up half the night, sweating so hard I thought I had pissed myself. Now I’m here at work, putting up with a long list of bullshit and all I want to do is go to bed. Have you ever seen the pictures from China and Japan of people wearing surgeon’s masks around town? They do that because they are sick and they don’t want to infect their friends, co-workers, strangers, etc. The Communists in China wear masks, but we’re all kinds of Socialist with our germs. They have better health care, too. Anyway, it’s Friday and I can look forward to spending the weekend sick. Thanks, Jeremy. I hate you.

Lazy Line Player Shame

2008-04-10T13:59:00.002-05:00

I’ve recently noticed a disturbing trend in our society: the quality of the lies we are told. Maybe it’s just me, but I have noticed a sharp decline in the caliber of bullshit I’m being fed. I won’t hazard a guess as to why this is, although I’m sure it’s a trend at least five years in the making (WMD’s anyone?).
I remember a time, not too long ago, when I would really have to work my noodle to determine whether someone was lying to me. And even when I had my hunches, I was left with little hard evidence to back myself up. Of late, I’ve been lied to in such flagrant ways, I find myself being less upset about the lying itself, and more upset about how obvious the lie was.
I’ll give you an example. I work for a promotions company, and I’ve got several people that work under me. The job requires that my employees work by them selves, at night, unsupervised (for the most part). So my people are given a lot of freedom and trust, and it’s my job to ensure that they aren’t abusing that independence. I’ve got this one guy who was supposed to work last Saturday. He came into the office the following Monday, and all his paperwork was inaccurate. It suggested that something was rotten in Denmark. After doing only a scant bit of investigatory work, I realized that he hadn’t worked at all on Saturday. I was upset that this guy felt he could pull a fast one and get some money for nothing (to quote perennial favorites, Dire Straits). What upset me even more was that he couldn’t be bothered to come up with a really airtight lie. His lie was so flimsy that I saw through it right away. It was insulting.
I’ve had employees lie to me in the past, and at times, it was like putting together a federal court case. I had to get eyewitnesses, build a tower of evidence, and argue a hard case. I had this fool dead to rights after two phone calls. How stupid does this guy think I am? I mean, I’ve fished my way out of Bullshit Lake on more than one occasion, but I always made it a point to fabricate a decent lie. Maybe I didn’t respect the person enough to tell them the truth, but at least I respected them enough to tell them something palatable.
I’ve come to realize, this whole situation has opened a much larger wound for me. We have been lied to time and time again by our current Bastard in Chief. And just like my employee, he can’t even be bothered to come up with a half-way believable lie. The modern world is a trying place. We are constantly bombarded with so much information about people and things that have nothing to do with us. It’s hard to filter all this content; to feel fear or sorrow or sympathy for situations that have no bearing on our personal lives. “My heart goes out to that baby stuck in a well, but what can I do?” “I sure wish they would stop systematically raping women in Darfur.” “Wouldn’t it be nice if we stopped spending more money on “Defense” than on Education, Welfare and Healthcare COMBINED.”
So we are already left feeling helpless, possibly hopeless, and this cocksucker John Wayne’s his way into the White House, only to spit shit in our ears. It’s bad enough that we have to digest all the world’s ills with no recourse, but now we have to swallow our president’s lies. And they’re not even good lies. They’re not even well-substantiated lies. They’re the kind of flimsy, 2-cent lies you tell yourself because you’re scared and desperate. “Sure I’m spending three grand a week on coke, but I can quit anytime I want.” “I know this guy’s dick is in my mouth, but I really love my wife.” “Iraq is in possession of weapons of mass destruction.”
I’m not saying we need to act like adults and be honest with one another. Adults aren’t honest. No, we need to use our adult brains and tell really good lies. It’s just the decent thing to do.

Only if she's 5'3"

2008-04-10T10:33:00.003-05:00

I'm short. 5 feet and 2, maybe 3 inches in shoes. In my tallest heels I'm 5'6" - an additional four inches and I'm barely at average height.

I also love live music. See the problem? Or if me, you don't see...because all the the giants in the room decided that they needed to creep two inches closer to the stage (and directly in front of me). Seriously! Seriously?

I had the immense, enormous, mind-blowing pleasure of going to 7th St. last night after work and check out Themes...a local band that was pretty well put together, and Fleet Foxes, a band that was so amazingly good live I'm still thinking about it. They are on tour with the uber hip Blitzen Trapper right now, and though I like BT - I did something I've never done. I left the show before the a band I like came on - simply because I knew it could not possibly be as good as what I had just experienced. We walked out and chatted with a Casey & Christian (of FF) and they were totally enjoyable human beings as well as musicians. Watch this.

But I digress, this is a hater blog...not a "Fleet Foxes are amazing and you're an idiot if you don't think so too" blog.

I love going to shows, it is a simple pleasure in an immensly complicated life. What I do not like are smelly people, pushy people, tall people, people with big boots standing on my feet, or people who sing along really loudly to the music. They can all go to hell. Or to another show. Leave me and my music experience alone - I don't want to share. I also hate the people that are so determined not to let others through the crowd that they actually start to push and fight them. If other people want to get closer to the front and you don't want to be at the front - don't be a dick.

I know that last statement sounds like a contradiction to my previous complaint of tall people going in front of me - but I will argue it is not. People getting to "the front" are not the same as people who literally walk to the x on the floor marked right in front of you. They can see how short I am and they still do it!

Anyway. If you see me at a show come up, say hello, we'll grab a drink. Just don't get in my mutha fuckin way bitch. And please don't sing along. I'm not here for you. I'm here for me.

What's this thing, Hating?

2008-04-10T01:54:00.003-05:00

SLP RANDOMS from Don The Jewler on Vimeo.
I think this is the summer of 2005. Damian rips, Quan is there, Vang is there, Vanik Hacobian is there, alternate angles, sun, fun, Nesser filming, pushing, Jr. Mint (Not Jamiel, Bonnie), Sam. I've watched all 18 or whatever minutes twice now. Maybe I'll do it again today. Can't hate.

Names...All over the floor...Everywhere...

2008-04-09T17:16:00.004-05:00

Name dropping is the worst shit ever. I really fucking hate it. It takes a certain kind of insecure/secure asshole to really go for it, a type of obliviousness to life and the thoughts of others that I am unable to fathom.

Simply stated, I was subjected to the worst storm of names and bullshit store names and you know him he works for this and does this fucking street wear brand and haven't you seen that shit it's so sick but yeah I'm working for that dude he knows her shes got openings all over town fucking Tokyo!...To all of which I answered "no". Because, not only was I stonewalling out of principle, but because seriously, I'd never heard of any of that shit/people/bullshit/fuckingboring/etc. I can't do it folks! Maybe I'm too lazy to be cool.

And now that I've reached a proper place of loathing and resentment, I'll drop a BONUS HATE. That Scion show last week was the lamest scene ever. I've got a bullet proof alibi of why I was there too, regarding domestic strife and general insanity. So, don't hate the hater. Anyhow, the outfit of the night consisted of, from top to bottom; an extremely cocked new era hat, a blue bandana under the hat, blonde pig-tails, a blue floral print sun dress, blue jeans, and pink and yellow ice cream shoes. Top it off with the requisite flair and standard tattoos, all as visible as possible. I did my best to try and find a photo of her on the interweb, but, alas, no dice.